2013, yo

We decided the day before New Year's Eve to throw a party. My brother was staying with us for a few days, and we had about 25 people over to bring in the new year. It was quite fun. Tyler bought nine pounds of brisket and it was super amazing.

Currently there is a fifteen pound puppy name Rusty who is resting his soft puppy chin on the top of my left hand while I type. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Charlotte is sitting on the end of the couch. She keeps looking at me like, "I used to lay there." Occasionally she'll let out a soft cry, and it's heart breaking. She play fights with Rusty pretty hard, and he always looks at me like "I can't believe you're letting this happen." I try to break up the fights and Tyler says "this is the whole reason we got him!" Like Charlotte is the Queen of all and we bought her a puppy to destroy. He said to me on our anniversary (4 years!) "I love you so much... but you love dogs too much."

I love resolutions. I make a new one every week. So far I have done 50 squats and a minute plank every day. I deleted the facebook app off of my phone because I used it mindlessly, like a drunk who just wants the comfort of a drink in their hand. That's me and facebook. I can't bring myself to delete it, because I fear I'd miss out on my cute family's updates, and my yoga studio uses facebook. I don't know. Tyler, Zach, and I discussed moderation at breakfast on January 1st. We all agreed it's the best way.

I also want to be a better yoga teacher. I'm going to continue reading books and practicing techniques to be a better teacher. Not just yoga books either, but all kinds. I attempt to bring concepts into class. I always use the concept of moving in each pose with a specific purpose, and taking that practice off the mat into our every day. I know when I do things with a purpose, my house is cleaner. I'm a little bit selfless. I can love people better.

My friend Lauren told me about this book called Generation Me. I'm going to read it. You should look it up. I'm going to get it on the Kindle. There is another book called Lying that I'm going to reread on the kindle.

I gave up the F word. Yes, I have been known to say it. I haven't said it in a few weeks, because I gave it up before new years. Trying to use my words and not sound like an idiot. It's not a loving word to use.

Health is another one. Along with working out, Tyler and I are eating better. Trying to. Moderation of course. Sort of trying no bread, oh, except for sandwiches and pizza. Ok, this is not a resolution. It's a thought.

The last one I just added that I always try to do and will continue to do is to be a better friend and have hard conversations that need to be had.

Today is my day off. Tomorrow I will go into the store for a short bit, then Tyler is taking me to a bed and breakfast in the city called Napoleon's Inn (I think). It's in Lafayette Square where we have dinner reservations at 1111 Mississippi. Before dinner we'll get a drink at Square one, and after dinner we'll get dessert at Bailey's Chocolate Bar. He planned this! I love it. It will be a great weekend.

I keep remembering my dreams. One of them was a mean phone call with the customer, and I woke up feeling very insecure. The other, Amanda Weber was driving like a fool and wouldn't tell me why. We each had a cute baby in our laps. I was so mad at her. And last night I could not get my hair into a bun! It's looked really good in buns lately.

I'm a blessed lady with a sweet husband and two precious pups. My house is big, so please come stay in it and we'll give you a warm meal and some puppy snuggles.

Home

Tyler and I are in Owasso. We brought Charlotte. It has been nice and relaxing so far. Got to spend time with my parents, siblings, Dustin and Tara, etc. Before we left I had to turn in my yoga final. It took me about 37 seconds to hit the "send" button. Later, I laid in bed and thought, "hey, that one part I started editing... did I finish it?" Literally, I may have started a thought and just left it, then submitted it that way. But you know what, they probably didn't read it. And that's okay. It's over with. I feel better. I feel so much better that I didn't even go back to make sure I finished it.

I get to see sweet baby Owen in a few minutes. Can't wait to hug Rachel. Going to her house makes me feel 16 again. I miss her, but I'm okay with not being 16 anymore.

Last night Tyler and I went to The Alley (it used to be St. Michael's Alley) with my parents. I was a waitress there when I was 19. They redid the inside and changed up the menu a bit. It's a good place. We had a good time, drank some wine, and then Tyler and I went to the Sherin's to play with Oliver and hang out with his parents. Weird that everybody has a baby now, or is going to have a baby. It terrifies me. Sometimes I think, "everyone has done it, I can do it." Other times I think it will just kill me. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

It's kind of weird going to Redeemer, just because I don't know everyone like I used to. I feel like I'm at my friend's church, but my friend didn't go that day. And that's okay. Things are just different.

I think I'm teaching my mom and sister yoga tomorrow morning. Then Tuesday morning Alyson is going to kick my behind when she trains me. We're getting a new puppy in a week. The 2nd is our four year wedding anniversary - weird. We went to eat at El Tequila and we saw nine different people we knew. How crazy this place is.

Ange and Manda turn 31 today. So weird. Alyson just turned 32 in September. I'll be 25 soon. Weird, weird, weird. That's all. I love my family. It's good to be home.

Jesus came and brought us rest. God pursued us in the form of a little baby, a man, to give us a peace we won't find by having our shit together. Bring your mess, bring your history, bring your loneliness, bring your attempts at being whole on your own to Jesus, and take rest. Accept this peace that you cannot even understand. Thank you, God, for pursuing us even though we run after so many other things.

we moved

Hi guys. We're in our new house and we have internet! It took two weeks, so we had a nice little break from blogging. Well, I did. Things that have happened since we moved:
I have been teaching yoga for a month
Haven't really caught up on sleep since Thanksgiving/the move
We have a fireplace and it's so lovely
The house makes noises.

When I can't sleep because of the creaking boards or popping heater, I wake Tyler up. He told me I could. I say, "Did you hear that?" and he says "no." Then he says, "If Charlotte didn't hear it, it's a normal sound." He falls back to sleep. There is a noise in the room above us, Charlotte pops her head up. By then I'm frozen with fear, my heart is beating in my toes. We are the 4th owners of this house. The one before us was crazy, but she's still around. The builder's name was Hercules, and he built the inside of the house by hand, which I appreciate because the closets are huge. I like to think he was a small man, because that's cute. Hercules the small man. Not sure about the owners between the two, but I picture everyone happy and nice. No haunting ghosts here, just old floorboards. I think I believe in ghosts, but we don't have any.

Lacy and Dustin stayed with us for a few nights while they prepped their old house to sell/rent. It was an exhausting weekend. We love them and miss them.

I didn't sleep well after Tyler left for the gym this morning, and Char kept popping her head up with noises. So I took her to pee and the police were at the house next door. The people seem nice. There was a police car and what looked like a moving van that said "St. Charles City Police." Interesting.

Char jumps the fence, so we have to stand out there with her while she goes to the bathroom. I love 5:30 am bathroom trips in the 27 degrees. She even jumped the fence when we left her out back with Mona and Nana (the cutest English Bulldogs in the world). We're getting Woodrow (Char's new little brother) the week after Christmas in hopes that it calms her down a little more. We will not be leaving the two of them in the back yard though.

I taught two classes in a row last night - basics and college night. Learning is tough. So far every class had been better than the next. Last night was not so, but I have since moved on and decided that it's okay to make mistakes.

Wow it's been so long and I have nothing to say. I miss my family and I can't wait for Christmas to be with them. Work is tough. Sometimes I want a nap.

Thanksgiving

Tyler and I traveled to Beaver Dam from Wednesday night until Saturday afternoon. We got to spend some time with Granny, Tyler's parents, little sister, three cousins, and aunt & uncle. We got there later than everyone else, so Olivia stole our normal bed. Instead we got the bed made for little people. I slept pretty horribly for three nights, plus PMS, the TV on, eating stuff I don't normally eat, etc.

Granny gave us a 45-50 year old coffee table and two end tables, plus a glider and two chairs to match. We're getting a night stand from Tyler's sister as well.

I missed my pup like crazy, but it was good to spend time with his family. However, I sorely missed being with my family. Pretty bad. It's always holidays or birthdays or mom/sister dinners that just kill me. But I'll be home in less than a month and I shan't die. Anyway, I sometimes feel alone when my family is together and I'm not there. I sent my sisters a picture of myself brushing my teeth, because I wanted to feel seen or like there should be a hole in Owasso somewhere. I don't know. I woke up in a panic like, "AAAH, I'm not there. I should be there."

We came home from Kentucky and went to our last walk-through in our house. We move in on Tuesday. We walked into the house and it was a mess. I mean, she's packing, but cat hair was everywhere. It smelled like cat poop in the basement. Anyway, the cooky seller hollers "Hello?" and our realtor is like, "Hi, we told you we'd be here at 2:30." Cooky seller: "Oh, I had no clue you were coming." I think she was lying. Like a crazy person. We walked through and she had made the changes she said she would... including taking a bathroom mirror, which is against the rules. I don't really care, but I'm pretty sure the lady is a little crazy. But I can't wait to move into her well-maintained house. She said it would be totally clean on Tuesday. I believe her.

We have packed up our living room and office. All we have is our clothes and the kitchen. We have 2 Guys and a Truck coming on Tuesday to help us. I'm off Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sunday. Somehow, some way, I want to get back to normal life slightly this week. I can't wait for church tomorrow. Yoga this week. Seeing my friends. Ah.

On the way to Kentucky Tyler and I talked about thankfulness. We are kind of blown away. So blessed. My heart is slowly cracking, and every day I find my cynicism sort of being ripped away. It's terrifying. I feel like Eustace.

cool things that happened today:

We prayed for renters, or that God would just teach us to trust Him.

We got renters. Two dear friends - both our college roommates Hannah and David. 

We went to church and heard stories about adoption - spiritual and legal. It was awesome. Lots of tears. 

We went to our friend's house and made rum balls and chili. 

Now I'm home mentally preparing for a short work week and a few days in Kentucky. It'll be great. 

That's all. Glad we have renters. Glad we have such good friends. So much to be thankful for. 

Happy Thanksgiving week. I miss my family.

I taught my first yoga class on Wednesday night. I teach again Saturday morning, after my staff meeting at work (which, I just saw on facebook one of my employees write to another "OH... JOY... the staff meeting..." I'm not friends on facebook with the girl who wrote it, but I "liked" it. Out of love, I hope her stomach drops. I seeee you, little girl!!!)

Anyway, my first class went fine. I forgot the word "strap," so that was an awkward seven seconds. I wasn't funny, so I need to work on lightening up and realizing that all those people are or will be my friends and that I don't need to be nervous. My critique was to project my voice better. I think they're going easy on me so I don't cry. I told Tyler he better give me some good critiques and he said, "Oh, I'm going to rip the shit out of your class. Be ready." So now I'm scared.

I left work early today and got Pei Wei. Came home and ate a lot of it.

Last night I went to dinner with three NB Corporate people, my owners, and two other managers. It was a fancy place. About $50 a person and Corporate paid for it. I cleaned my plate. They were nice. I thought to myself, "I'm sitting here with seemingly normal people who make a million dollars a year." I'm a kid. It's just weird. They're in charge of sales for NB North America and Canada.

I'm charging up my Kindle to purchase Ann Lamott's new book "Help Thanks Wow." It's about three different types of prayer. I'm excited. Supposed to be along the same line as Traveling Mercies and Plan B. I didn't like Crooked Little Heart. I didn't finish it though. I don't like novels.

I have some toe spacers between my big toe and second toe. Trying to help my bunion die. I woke up this morning and it was throbbing so bad. I told Tyler that I was afraid to look at it because it felt like it might be black.

PS, Let me talk to you about germs. Non-colonized non-resistant (like homeless people walking through your yard), colonized non-resistant (homeless people camping on your front lawn), non-colonized resistant (knocking at your door asking for food), and colonized resistant (entering your home and eating out of your fridge). So I thought the homeless comparison was mean, but no one at my work seemed to understand. Anyway, when we remove an insole from someone's shoe (I do this five times a day) we have a 60% chance of touching bacteria that is colonized resistant. So many people are jacked up on anti-biotics and we touch their germs and their germs cannot be beaten with more antibiotics. It's craziness. I took all the hand sanitizer out of my store and I'm going to gross out my staff tomorrow and make them wash their hands between every customer.

November - the craziest month of my 2012

Well, Denver is off my list. I, a 24-year-old child, went to Denver with a bunch of business owners and New Balance big deals for two days. They bought us dinner. There was an open bar. I got a vodka tonic like an adult and the bar tender says "What vodka do you prefer?" I replied, "Doesn't matter," like the cheap-liquor-drinking-kind-of-girl that I am. My coworker about died.

I tried to ride in the front seat of the cab, because I didn't realize it was a cab. The car that picked us up was so nice I thought the guy was like a New Balance big deal's brother or something. We talked about Colorado and pot. He said on 4/20 that the sky over Boulder is visibly cloudy... really?

I got a bunch of free stuff - hat, sunglasses, watch, gloves, yoga pants and top, pedometer, shoe lights, elastic laces, and a yoga mat on the way! Can't wait. I totally asked for the stuff. And I got it... fo free!

We planned all of next years products and that was fun. I helped choose for all the stores in our company. I met some cool NB people. Some people drank a lot and I went to bed praying that they didn't make any major mistakes.

I couldn't sleep. Woke up every hour. Finally fell asleep watching "We Bought A Zoo." I love that movie. Every time I watch a movie with Scarlet Johansen, I end up wanting to cut my hair or major in Anthropology. Woke up at 3:30 am, diarrhea. Thanks, Colorado. Woke up at 4:30 and realized I was just up. No going back to sleep. So I watched this liar on TV yell something over and over... "A surprising amount of money will come to you from a surprising source! Praise Jesus! Let his angels shower blessings on you!" Surprise! You got a penny... from a little kid!

I was so angry. And people were cheering. It broke my heart. Had to change the channel. Then I watched a show about people who got too many tattoos and wanted to get them removed. Poor guy, every time he drank alcohol he got another tattoo. Then he'd wake up and cry. And the girl who had her ex-fiance's name tattooed on her forearm. She'd look at it and cry.

Then I ate a cookie in the dark. I realized it had nuts in it and was thankful I wasn't allergic.

I missed Tyler so bad. I was homesick. The other night he said to me, "Please don't ever die." We're super morbid and in love.

I got a $6 can of Budweiser on the plane, because I've never drank on a plane before. It was only fun because my coworker thinks I'm a weirdy and she got a good laugh out of it. I didn't know what lot I parked in, so the sweet Super Park lady drove around until we found my truck. I didn't have any cash, so I gave her my business card and told her I've give her a discount. Rereading that paragraph, I sound like a drunk homeless person.

I went to breakfast with my friend Ellen this morning. It was great. Going to lunch with Allison for her birthday!!! and getting ready to teach this weekend. My very last weekend of training.

And here is why this is the craziest month. Denver. Finish training. I start teaching classes next week. Then we go to Kentucky for Thanksgiving. Then we move into a new house... then we have Christmas, buy a puppy, get pregnant, and get old.

Thank you, Jesus, for this beautiful day. Amen.

Love you guys.