Thursday, October 2, 2014

Well, hello. Feeling the need to puke thoughts all over you this morning. I started The Conscious Cleanse, the book and the actual cleanse. Feeling quite nice.

The conscious cleanse is a two week cleanse, but its full of grace. If you slip up, that's ok, just keep going. I used to mess up and then throw in the towel. Starting Monday, I gave up dairy, gluten, caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and meat. The first day my belly was sticking out because my body was like "AH, all the raw food!" but it leveled off. I've been drinking lots of tea and warm water. Yesterday I felt like I wasn't making much milk for Leon, so I drank a beer last night, and I savored every sip. This morning I decided to have a cup of coffee. Not out of dire need, but I just chose to. I haven't had coffee in three days. I make my own rules, and man, do I obey them and change them if need be. :)

I truly eat all day long. Fruits and vegetables.

Anyway, I was thinking yesterday as I sat on the floor with Leon, unshowered and unbrushed, about how I utilize my time. Sometimes I think to myself, "I should be a master of everything because I'm a stay at home mom! I should be the best yogi and I should be able to do a pull-up and I should be able to sew dresses and bake pies." And then I started to feel guilty. And then I got mad, at myself, and at society a little bit. Mostly myself though. I'm raising a thick little guy to be a sharp, good person.When I say good person, I mean someone who has empathy for others and realizes his actions impact other people. That's my hope at least. Then I realize I'm living my dream. This is what I've always wanted. I'm living other people's dream too. People who want babies, people who wish they could stay home with their babies. So I'm gonna keep living it and continue to tell myself that raising a good person is enough, and that I don't necessarily have to be a DIYer or a professional blogger in order to be deemed a useful individual worthy of living.

I also just started the book All is Grace by Brennan Manning. It's his memoir.

I think I'm going to dye my hair a little bit. I did it five years ago, but I went to a professional and it didn't look great. Faded quickly, looked greenish gray brown. I'm going to get the henna dye from Lush and have a friend help me do it. I'm just bored.

I started this post this morning, but now it's 2:50 and, let me tell you, I got super moody ths afternoon. Tyler had the stroller and the ergo in his car, which left me in a shit spot when I wanted to get out of the house after it rained all morning. Things didn't go my way and I wanted a chicken sandwich in a bad way. That's a rule I won't break though. I'm okay now. I'm a little more determined to really do this cleanse, even though I have cheated a couple of times. I'm four days in. Probably the best I've done yet.

This is memory making weather.