Monday, April 30, 2012

Holy crap

You guys made me teary with your comments on the last post. Thanks.

A couple of things. I miss my friend. Tomorrow is her 25th birthday and I have thought of things as crazy as driving to Springfield to take her to lunch and driving back (I was actually like "Oh my gosh, I'm going to drive three hours by myself tomorrow!)... but I have to work a health fair. I can't be with her this weekend. And I could just kick myself. You know when you think to yourself, "There has to be a way we can fix this!" I've thought of everything. Anyway, Lacy is a kindred spirit. I miss the shit out of her. Happy birthday to my soul sister. Last year we took a spontaneous trip to Chicago, and man, I have some good memories. Love it.

The other thing... today both of my Assistant Managers called in sick. I did the work of three people and it was stressful and I kicked bum. It felt good.

I have a Kentucky Derby party this weekend with Tyler's family. I'm going to wear a dress. I need to find a derby hat.... unfortunately, there will not be mint juleps there. You booze, you lose.

Afterwards we'll be attending Cinco De Mayo party at the Shead's. It'll be a good time.

This morning I woke up and did pushups and abs. You cannot imagine how much that helped me at yoga this evening. I felt like a muscle woman. It was nice.

I got my headbands in from Etsy. They're cute. I won't post a picture, because from this day forward you won't  see me not wearing one.

That's it. Here's to Tuesdays.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Goals and babies and being a kid

I had this idea for the store. We have a blank wall behind the counter, where I was told to put some "signage" (I hate that word, so I use to as often as possible because I'm sure others hate that word as well... Moist... Luscious).  If you go into the Lululemon store here in St. Louis they have the wall behind the counter covered in their employee's goals (they also teach goal classes and are very... goal-ish). I'm not going to do that to my staff because we're busy. However, I'm going to do a Meet The Staff wall - a picture of each staff member, a few things about them, and some of their personal future goals. I think it'll add to our relational atmosphere. I think it will also help us to be treated like humans by our customers... it'll help them realize we're people. Anyway. Just wanted to share.

Tyler really wants to make cookies from scratch tonight. I said, "We don't know how to do that!" and he said, "...We can figure it out." So we will.

Back to the goals thing though... I was thinking about mine. I was so much more goal oriented when I was interning at Connections. We had to talk about them all the time. I wrote them down constantly. I made lists of things that made me happy, and probably clung to that list a little too much. I need Jesus more than coffee and birds and green trees and swimming in ponds and best friends and music.

Anyway, the only thing I would willingly write down for anyone to see on my list of goals would be to be a yoga teacher... which is already inevitably happening... basically, so that's not really fair. I have a keyboard that has been sitting in my house for over a year, and I've probably tried to play it seven times. I'm so scared to do something that doesn't come naturally. Yoga doesn't really come naturally, but I have old-man strength so it's not that hard. I told myself last night that I would start learning the piano when I have a baby and don't have a full-time job... and then I realized how backwards that was. I'm jealous of people like my brother-in-law who can sit and play and it just comes out of his fingers like a freaking magic person.

Also, on my day off last week when I was sick (I'm still sick) I got pretty down. I couldn't make myself move. I emailed Tyler and told him what a bad mom I was going to be because I couldn't even bring myself to leave the house, or make a positive decision for myself. I need another person with me to make me do things. How can a kid have a kid... I do not know. But I want one.

Anyway. On my list of goals that I'd be okay sharing in a somewhat professional setting... become a yoga teacher, play the piano... and that's it. I used to have a million goals. I guess I wish I could paint. I have painted some OK stuff, but certainly not like Ange and Manda. Emotionally, I can't handle running a 1/2 marathon like Alyson... or do anything scary like move to another state without a job like my brother. I'm just trying to figure out what I can and will and want to do. I got the skills of a youngest child... I just do what I'm told :) It's true. I just told someone yesterday how at my first job at the Tulsa New Balance, I didn't even know who my boss was. I just assumed everyone there was my boss. I was a weird 19-year-old.

Glad I married someone like Tyler. Truly. I love him so much. He's so good at loving me... most of the time.

Time to bake some cookies from scratch.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Well, it's my day off. When I blow my nose it's bloody, and super freaky when I use the neti pot. I'm scared that I have a brain eating amoeba.

Yesterday I was helping a lady at work and I asked her what she did for a living. She told me she was the manager of Wild Birds Unlimited. I go, "Oh awesome! I've never been in there, but I used to sing the theme song all the time when I was little." And she was like, "Theme song?" So I sang her, "Wild Birds Unlimited... we bring people and nature together," and she was in shock. She said she knew that was their slogan, but had never heard it as a theme song. Anyway, it was awkward and I started laughing and she started laughing and I was sweating and my eyes watered.

I can't make myself do anything when I'm alone on a day off. I was going to go volunteer at Connections and stuff cookies into bags, but I didn't. I was going to go to Wild Birds Unlimited and look around because a raccoon got my new bird feeder. I will clean my room and I will go to yoga. But first I will nap, and then I will go to the Walgreens Take Care Clinic and make them give me something for my sinus infection. Maybe. I hate that place.

I did talk to my brother today, which was awesome. I miss him. I text messaged Ange for a bit. And I got some vitamin D in the back yard.

But, maybe I'll just stay in my cave and listen to the birds chirp and lay here on the couch in my bathing suit with the fan on me and sleep under this quilt.

I'm a child.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

All for a wayward bride

Tyler starts his new job tomorrow. I think he's feeling a little weird about coming back and having seniority over people. He said he's not looking forward to it, but I think once he gets into the swing of things he's going to rock it. 

I had a meeting with the President of our company on Saturday. Not the boss I usually talk about who has the crazy analogies, but his dad (who has some great analogies as well). I was anxious because I had no idea what he would need to meet me out of the store to talk about, or why we couldn't just do it over the phone. It ended up being really great. I love the people I work for. I was sick that day - terrible sinus pressure, clogged nose. I felt badly. But when I went back into the store after talking with my boss, I felt like I had more of a purpose. I had so many customers tell me how great I was at my job, I got a hug from an 385 lb. ER nurse who came in nearly unable to walk, I got him in some 993s (in a size 16/4E) and insoles... he walked out with no pain. It was pretty awesome. I went to shake his hand and he bear hugged me. His wife was teary-eyed. It was sweet. 

I ended the day by staying an hour past close helping a customer... who ended up ordering from (corporate competitors). His face was red because he was embarrassed at how much of my time he had used, but I totally know that he will come back to our store next time. Then I returned a call to a woman who claimed she called three times during our Anniversary Sale and never got a call back. However, I remember her angry voice. I did call her back, but her mailbox was full. I didn't mention this to her, because she was beyond pissed. I'm a pretty good apologizer. In the end I asked what I could do for her. If she had said "give me a free shoe," I would have. All she said was, "train your staff." That cut a little bit. I told her I appreciated her input and was glad she called. When I hung up I cried. 

I'm drinking this awesome tea. It's distributed by the Republic of Tea and the line is called Active Teas. I'm drinking Get Burning. There is also Get Limber, Get Hydrated, and I forget the rest. They're yummy and we're going to sell it at our store, which is kind of weird. But... whatever. 

We sang this song this morning, and I love it. 

Victim of our sacrifice
Gift of love a perfect life
All for a wayward bride
All for a wayward bride

See the Lion and the Lamb
How He sits at Your right hand
Waiting to come again
Waiting to come again

Servant King of rich and poor
Beggar that the world ignores
Oh let me see your face
Hidden in simple things

Oh great love of God
Who takes away the sin of all of us
Gone forever
Heaven open wide in Your resurrection
You won't be denied bringing life to the dead and dying
You won't be denied we will rise and we'll sing forever

Tyler and I took a walk at the Eco Park tonight. It's across the street from our house. I'm thankful that we live in a cool place. 
I love my family

It's good to be in love. 

Well, that's all. I'm just really thankful for my life and all the people I know. I feel like a lucky little kid. God is good... even when my brain is full of green snot. 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Today is Kristi Bower's birthday... sometimes when I'm home I'll still be like, "Mom, I'm going to meet Coach for breakfast." And then I correct myself and say Kristi. Anyway, I'll never forget being fifteen years old and having her come along and take the place of my first volleyball coach, who... was a little crazy. Our first volleyball week-long camp, I didn't know her very well, but I knew I liked her. I hung around after camp to talk with her about an unfortunate boy situation... and the rest is history. She's one of the strongest women I know, in every way. I love her dearly. She probably won't read this for a while... but when she does, I hope she smiles. I love you, Kristi. Thanks for dealing with my high school drama and still being my friend, letting me coach with you, standing by me in my wedding, and loving me. You have always been an inspiration to me.

Well. I was sick Monday, and had a management meeting Tuesday, and a buy meeting today. One of my favorite quotes from the meeting - "Guys, it's nearing the end of the fiscal year and we need to treat it like a marathon... we need to be be pooping our pants... to get the shoes out of the store." That was from my boss. Trust me, there are so many more analogies where that came from... most of them inappropriate enough that I won't share them on here.

I have a sensitive low back. I talked to my yoga teachers, and they said they went through the same thing. I'm frustrated and I just want it to be fixed, but it will take discipline for it to heal. Barf. I hate discipline. Ask Tyler.

Time to clean my house... and I'm reading a book called The Science of Yoga. It's so interesting. It's on the kindle... if you sisters just feel like knowing the history of yoga, it's cool. I'm enjoying it...

However, at community group last night we talked about Spiritual Warfare and false teachers. I asked for prayer as I go into teach training, because I will be subjecting myself to teaching that (I don't have to agree with but,) does not agree with the Bible. I could go into more detail, but basically as time has progressed yoga has evolved and changed into something totally different from it's origins. Either way, I will need accountability. I don't want to become a crazy person. I'm looking forward to the knowledge I'll gain and I'm hoping/believing that this will actually strengthen my relationship with God. I told my group that I don't want yoga to be my thing... even though I love it. I want Jesus to be my thing, and that's putting it weirdly/lightly.

Time to clean..

Monday, April 16, 2012

Acute Pharyngitis

It's Monday and I stayed home from work. I went to the Take Care Clinic... they basically said it's like Strep, but it's viral like a cold and it's lower in my throat... hence the hairball, feel like throwing up feeling.

This weekend was Lauren's and Ken's wedding. It was absolutely the most gorgeous wedding. With the rain, the wedding got moved into a beautiful barn out in Clarksville, MO, which is about an hour away. The day of, we got lost so I'm glad we left early. The iphone directed us to the middle of nowhere a town over from where we were supposed to be. It was weird.

I had to practice singing with a groomsman and Lauren's brother. After much miscommunication and going to three different locations where I was told the boys were, I found them... we practiced and it was fine. Then I realized I was late for pictures, but we had to drive Lauren's brother to the next town over where his hotel was when my place was two blocks away. I tried explaining that... anyway, the afternoon was beyond frustrating for me and I was sad I missed the whole day of getting ready with Lauren. However, she was stunning and I ended up not being late for pictures.

The wedding was perfect. Ken could hardly get through his vows because he was crying, and Lauren was too. It was seriously precious. We sang The Love of Christ is Rich and Free, just like at Ange's wedding. All went well... and then Tyler and I gave the toasts. I was nervous for Tyler, just because. He did so awesome. I only wish someone had recorded the speeches. Mine went great too. We were both so nervous. Talking in front of 200+ people is not our thing, but Tyler wants to make a career out of it now.

Now I'm sitting on my couch.... wishing that Glee was not a show. It's so terrible. I need to just turn it off.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Man, what a great Easter. I needed it so badly. Church was awesome. Trey was pumped up from preaching at a black church on Good Friday. I broke out of my peaceful sea shell and amened and he-is-risen-indeeded. Seriously, such a joyful day. I loved it.

Tyler and I went to Lowe's after and purchased plants for our front flower bed... which will actually be a garden with tomatoes, peppers, kale, spinach, sweet mint, basil, and a squash plant!! ... We'll see how it goes. It's kind of hoosier to have a garden in your front yard I think, or at least in your flower bed, but that's the only place that gets sun. At least we're growing vegetables instead of pot... or owning a rooster that crows at 3 am.

We spent the afternoon at the Wheeler's, which was nice. Good to catch up with Brittany and Sandy.

Tyler got a new job. His old boss from True called him and asked him to come back to be the Senior Purchasing Analyst. So he is... and they made him a great deal too. God is more than good to us. I just feel like a lucky little kid. But, it's different because it's not luck. It's love. God is just good.

Well, I need to get disciplined. I keep saying I'll do this and that every day... but now I have to, because if I don't start doing pushups and being healthier, I will surely die in teacher training. I will surely die.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The dark piece of hair is my fun piece. At least I'm experimenting with my hair and not my face or something. Or my brain.

This is my oldest dread lock, Fred. My hair dresser named him... her?... If you compare the end of it to the root, the end of it is much more matted, but she got a lot accomplished in a little amount of time. 

Funny story. My boss saw my dread lock today. I don't hide them, but they're just hidden by the rest of my hair. He was like "What the !@#$%^&^%$#" and put three different kinds of scissors on my desk. It was hilarious. He laughed a lot. 

That's the end. 

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I realized the other night that I had a twitter account. I tried it out again... and then deleted it the next day. I was on a role, so I deleted my food blog on tumblr too, because let's just be honest... I don't need two blogs. Then I deleted the games on my phone. I have enough stuff to waste my time.

I went to yoga this morning. It was awesome. I'm seriously going to be in a world of hurt for teacher training, but that's okay. I can't wait.

It's a beautiful day today. Kind of dark out, and chilly. My teacher said days like this remind her to be quiet. I like that. The lights are out in my house, windows open, music playing quietly. The only thing I could talk to is Charlotte anyway, but I'm glad my day off is like today. I need a day to be quiet.

I went to Starbucks to get a blonde, because that's just what I do now when I have a day off.

Last night my shoulder fell asleep and Tyler's scratchy chin was touching my shoulder, making it tingly. So I said, "My shoulder is asleep. Could you move?" He responded, "It's just... the only option I have." I said, "Oh, really? No other options?" Then he blinked a lot. It was weird.

I also dreamed that a friend of mine who is pregnant hadn't told her family yet. However, in the dream she was showing like crazy. We were at the dinner table and I touched her large belly and said, "How's she doing?" Her grandpa was like, "What are you talking about?" And to cover it up, my friend tucked her top lip under, pulled her little hands up like a bunny and started hopping up and down in her chair. Then she laughed like a crazy person and kept eating her dinner. That did the trick though. No one questioned her large baby belly after that.

I'm making a playlist on Spotify right now. If you don't have Spotify, you should get it because it's free. Free music. For 20 hours a month.

Well. I'm going to call my mom now. Then I'm going to get my dreads worked on, and maybe I'll get a pretty color in my hair. Right now it's long and wavy and flat. If I dressed the part, I could easily be a hippie. or a mountain woman. I need a hair-do.

Excited for Easter.

Monday, April 2, 2012

It's just PMS causing my tears.

After work on Sunday, I told Tyler I wanted to go somewhere and sit on a porch. So we took Ken and Lauren out to Fergie Brew Co. for Lauren's 24th bday. We also went to Cork across the street, which is a cute little wine bar. Yes, we broke our week long fast from alcohol to celebrate with our friends.

We also talked about the "toast"/speech that Tyler and I will be giving together at their wedding. I'm freaked out. Also, Lauren mentioned that the song "The Love of Christ is Rich and Free" would play during communion at their wedding. I mentioned that I sang it at Ange's wedding... so now me and a groomsman that has an incredible voice may be singing it together. We'll see.

Then I went home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning started out rough. I posted our bonus spreadsheet for the staff to see and I get questions like, "Are these numbers correct?" and "did you do the right dates?" and I say, "No, I used the incorrect information," and walk away. Restate your question and get at what you're trying to get at, otherwise shut up.

It got better I guess. I had to take a conference call so I missed my favorite yoga class. Now I'm eating margarita pizza and it's good. I'm going to the later, easy yoga class... it's usually more packed and not as challenging as I like. But right now, I might just need a few baby stretches or I could just start crying.

It's not just PMS causing my tears. I think PMS brings me to a dark place emotionally and spiritually. I think it's all connected... even to the food I eat. So. Anyway, emotionally I feel a bit better. Just mellow and somber and careful is how I feel.

Pizza. nap.

My hippie friend from Colorado came into the store today. We went in to hug each other and nearly bumped faces. She pulled back and said seriously, "Always, left cheek to left cheek so that hearts align." I said, "Ok, I didn't know that. Now I know." She goes, "Try it with your husband sometime, you'll be able to tell a difference, I know." She's funny. I really like her, but if I could just tell her "Hey, just so you know, I don't always agree with you and I think you're slightly cooky, but I like you," then I think we could be better friends. She's the lady that knew I was a pisces. Just because.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Hard heart. Lots of tears.

I woke up this morning, slept in until 8:30. I wasn't going to go to church, because I just have to leave for work as soon as the song service is over. I was getting hooked checking out different blogs on tumblr, but eventually I pulled myself away and decided to just go sing and leave for work after.

At the time, I was feeling a little dark. Just cynical and ugly and like, "What. What are you gonna do about it?" In an I-don't-care-what-anyone-thinks-of-me kind of way, but really I really cared and I hated feeling so far away and unknown.

As soon as we started singing "Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go," and "And Can It Be" I just lost it. I cry every song service, typically. But this wasn't just eyes watering. This was trying to hold my shoulders still, unable to actually sing kind of sobbing.

It's amazing how quickly I can go from hard-hearted to broken-hearted and back to hard-hearted... and then to a sobbing pile of "I give up." And that verse that talks about cursing and praise in one breathe. That's me. I was telling Lauren about it at work. Sometimes I pull her into my office for a meeting... and we talk about our lives rather than shoes and bonuses. It's nice having her around - someone I can share my brokenness with. After I told her about my week of ups and downs, she said "Well, if you didn't have those you wouldn't need Jesus." Duh. Good job Lauren.

Two more days of work, and then Wednesday I have a whole day to myself. I can't wait for Easter.