Sunday, April 29, 2012

Goals and babies and being a kid

I had this idea for the store. We have a blank wall behind the counter, where I was told to put some "signage" (I hate that word, so I use to as often as possible because I'm sure others hate that word as well... Moist... Luscious).  If you go into the Lululemon store here in St. Louis they have the wall behind the counter covered in their employee's goals (they also teach goal classes and are very... goal-ish). I'm not going to do that to my staff because we're busy. However, I'm going to do a Meet The Staff wall - a picture of each staff member, a few things about them, and some of their personal future goals. I think it'll add to our relational atmosphere. I think it will also help us to be treated like humans by our customers... it'll help them realize we're people. Anyway. Just wanted to share.

Tyler really wants to make cookies from scratch tonight. I said, "We don't know how to do that!" and he said, "...We can figure it out." So we will.

Back to the goals thing though... I was thinking about mine. I was so much more goal oriented when I was interning at Connections. We had to talk about them all the time. I wrote them down constantly. I made lists of things that made me happy, and probably clung to that list a little too much. I need Jesus more than coffee and birds and green trees and swimming in ponds and best friends and music.

Anyway, the only thing I would willingly write down for anyone to see on my list of goals would be to be a yoga teacher... which is already inevitably happening... basically, so that's not really fair. I have a keyboard that has been sitting in my house for over a year, and I've probably tried to play it seven times. I'm so scared to do something that doesn't come naturally. Yoga doesn't really come naturally, but I have old-man strength so it's not that hard. I told myself last night that I would start learning the piano when I have a baby and don't have a full-time job... and then I realized how backwards that was. I'm jealous of people like my brother-in-law who can sit and play and it just comes out of his fingers like a freaking magic person.

Also, on my day off last week when I was sick (I'm still sick) I got pretty down. I couldn't make myself move. I emailed Tyler and told him what a bad mom I was going to be because I couldn't even bring myself to leave the house, or make a positive decision for myself. I need another person with me to make me do things. How can a kid have a kid... I do not know. But I want one.

Anyway. On my list of goals that I'd be okay sharing in a somewhat professional setting... become a yoga teacher, play the piano... and that's it. I used to have a million goals. I guess I wish I could paint. I have painted some OK stuff, but certainly not like Ange and Manda. Emotionally, I can't handle running a 1/2 marathon like Alyson... or do anything scary like move to another state without a job like my brother. I'm just trying to figure out what I can and will and want to do. I got the skills of a youngest child... I just do what I'm told :) It's true. I just told someone yesterday how at my first job at the Tulsa New Balance, I didn't even know who my boss was. I just assumed everyone there was my boss. I was a weird 19-year-old.

Glad I married someone like Tyler. Truly. I love him so much. He's so good at loving me... most of the time.

Time to bake some cookies from scratch.


  1. so something I've started realizing in classes is that a big part of what women (including me) need is to know that what they secretly fear is crazy or weird about themselves is actually developmentally normal (maybe men need this too, but I haven't had enough male clients to know). like a 19-year old female raised in a fairly conservative Christian environment thinking everyone's their boss-- pretty normal, makes sense. and it would definitely be ok for the current you to have a child. because you're definitely not a kid: you willingly do things every day that you don't want to do (maybe with the exception of when you're sick or depressed, which is definitely normal). you love Jesus and you love people. you lead people well and are constantly learning to do it better. you know that you're a sinner and you know that there is grace available to you. you are committed to your marriage. seems like you are as qualified an adult as any to parent a child. I, for one, think you will be an awesome mom! and with that I'll quit monologuing, sorry, I couldn't resist :)

  2. Love that A! Well said! The great/awful thing about having kids is the sanctification that comes along with it. Kids are most definitely an agent of grace and I have to remember when someone is screaming in the middle of the night or throwing up on my carpet that God doesn't give us things to make us happy but to conform us into the image of Christ. That's going to take some serious work!

    You know, kids are awesome too. Good luck with those cookies :)

  3. haha you can totally have kids :) and when you're feeling too tired to deal with them just bring them over to our house ;) I'm sure we can find something entertaining for them to do haha

  4. I know you're not me, but the more kids I had, the more I got off my butt. I said, "Oh they're playing happily!" And hurried to make half of dinner. Then I got their naps lined up (Obsessive compulsive about that) and knew that was my only 45 minute window to work out and shower. But when I had all day, I slugged around and procrastinated. You may find that with a schedule revolving around your kid, when you know this is your only chance, you'll get lists of stuff done in those moments that they're having tummy time and not crying.
    And all that stuff A said is spot on. You're an incredible woman and you'll be a most awesome mom.