Sunday, May 27, 2012

And everywhere that we can be, Thou, God art present there.

I've been researching Sunscreens. I posted a Dr. Axe article about sunscreen on facebook, and I spent 20 minutes today sitting in the sun. Unfortunately I was wearing my headband, which covers the top part of my forehead, leaving a lovely white section. Good thing I pretty much always wear a headband.

I watched Black Swan last night with Lacy. It's a very dark movie, and it was very well done. However, I don't want to get to the point that the dark stuff doesn't affect me anymore. A story about something that broken should bother you. This morning I was driving to music practice before church and I prayed that God would make my heart soft. It's so easy to stand in front of 150 people and self-protect.

Anyway. I had a great weekend with Lacy. Unfortunately, Dustin was working. So Tyler was the third wheel all weekend. We went to the Schlafly (OK, time out. Tyler is currently singing with the theme song of The Wire, which he's watching for the second time because he just can't let go of the story. It's like he's friends with the characters) Pork Shop. There was pulled pork, beer, and a community garage sale. The garage sale was just OK. Lacy got an old awesome camera for 12 bucks. I found the Chronicles of Narnia book set from what looks like the 70's (same one my dad use to read to us kids), The Never Ending Story, and book 30 of Nancy Drew (what also looked like from the 70's). The guy who sold it to us was hilarious... a true historian of junk. He had two boxes of unopened Wheaties that were fourteen years old.... some cool hats, and some skirts from the 70's that still had tags on them.

After that we tried a new brewery called A Civil Life. We played darts and a weird game where you try to throw a ring on a string onto a bull horn. Then we took long naps, stole our friend's wok and made stir fry. It was amazing, so we ordered a wok. Then we ordered a refurbished Vitamix blender because ours died. After three long years, it shut down on us. Got us through some hard times. Can't wait to have a new blender!

Lacy and I went to the Irish Festival by the river. We ate funnel cake. Ah, sweet regret.

I purchased 7 tank tops and an adorable skirt from Old Navy's 40% off sale. With a gift card and a return, I ended up spending $1.26. Now I can get rid of all my tanks that Tyler hates.

Tomorrow we're going out on a boat. Every single person that will be on the boat works for New Balance besides Tyler. Oddly, I don't picture it as a New Balance party. It's just my friends and they happen to work for New Balance.

I can't tell you how weird it is that I don't have to work tomorrow, and I am so looking forward to it.

I think I mentioned last post that I was reading Mudhouse Sabbath, which I still recommend. I finished it this afternoon while I got my Vitamin D. It was great. I think I'll reread it.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Whoops 5 year plan for reals

I titled my last post five-year plan and most definitely did not include my plan.

I'm hoping to spend the next five (thousand) years with a real cool boy, James Tyler Wheeler. In June I start my Yoga Teacher Training, and I'll finish in November. Once I finish I'll be teaching free classes at Blue Bird (this is how they suck everyone in) and once everyone is addicted to yoga, they will be charged a very flexible arm and leg to continue taking classes there.

This is where my plan goes another route. I'd like to use my training to teach free classes outside the studio as well. Maybe some for my church, maybe some at Connections, maybe some at Lindenwood (not free for Lindenwood. Lindenwood can have a flaming poop sack on their porch)... At some point, I will have a baby and we will likely still be living here because I don't want to wait until I'm 27 years old to start having kids. This is when I will quit my job and teach yoga on the side of raising kids... or maybe I'll do yoga with a kid in a sling on my back. And eventually when we move back to Tulsa and have 4 kids, my dad will build us a house and in that house will be a spacious room with generic wooden floors. I will invite people into my home, we'll do yoga and drink coffee afterwards.

Somewhere in there, I will read lots of books, maybe get another tattoo. I may have a full head of dreadlocks, or just really long hair. Not sure. I hope you're all rolling your eyes. Are you?! Ha! It worked.

Anyway, a few goals I have... I'd like to take piano lessons. I'd like to have a brindle Mastiff named Omar (named after a gay drug dealer from The Wire. Best show ever). I realized the other day that I hate drawing and I love painting, so I want to paint. I'd like to paint my whole house before we move.

I'm reading this book on the kindle called Mudhouse Sabbath. It's by Laura Winner (I read Girl Meets God in high school and it changed me... made me want to be a nerdy Jew). Mudhouse Sabbath... you'll just have to read the intro, but after reading the first three chapters, I was just reminded of the sense of purpose that we should be living with. A purpose to bring things to order, not chaos. Today it affected what I ate, how I drove, how I opened my store and counted money, how I talked to people, etc. It's good to be reminded. Anyway, I recommend it. I really appreciate some occasional structure and motions. There is grace and I don't think we need to do all these particular motions to get grace, but they can be good reminders when we forget how to act on what we believe. Just read the book, I'm not making any sense.

Tyler is taking the summer off of classes, and will finish in December of '13... but with his promotion at True, they asked him to stay for 2-3 more years. We are both excited to be close to my family and sort of "settle" in Tulsa... but we do love our home and our community. We have a big family here, and most of them don't share our name. I think it's pretty sweet that God allows us to build community with the unlikeliest people.

;/..pol;;;;;//////////////////////////////////////////////p0 A word from Charlotte's jowls.

The end.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Five-Year Plan

Allison Shead, you did warn me. I did ish listen, about spinach poisoning... but then I let my husband take over on smoothie making and I lost track of how much spinach I was actually ingesting.

Amanda... Jenny... person who's blog is completely in Spanish... The cookbook is THE REAL FOOD DIET cookbook. I hate the title, because it has the word diet in it. People just use that word so people will google diets and their book will pop up. However, it is a nice book. Tyler and I have eaten black bean soup (with zucchini, onion, mushroom, and hot sauce), stir-fry (simply bok-choy and steak with homemade sauce), and baked fish and brussel sprouts (fish baked in homemade almond flour with random spices/herbs from the "cupboard"). It was good stuff. Tonight we had beer, pizza, and wings... at a bar.

I cannot tell you how excited I am... I have worked many days straight without a break, and I will not complain about it. However, I will say that two days ago I sat in my office chair trying to talk myself through a Wednesday. I said to myself, "I get to go to the zoo on Saturday. I get to go to the zoo on Saturday. I get to go to the zoo on Saturday." Eventually, it was 5 o'clock and I left work. But, tomorrow I am going to the zoo.

I will go to the zoo and see lions, and any large cat really... plus bears, and cool birds, and odd fish. I am so excited. I may even pay 5 dollars to pet and feed a stingray. If I go like Steve, that'll be okay.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

spinach poisoning.

I bought a cookbook and now I'm cooking meals that taste so good! Holy crap. Goodbye quinoa and spinach every meal. In fact, I think I have a spinach poisoning. Seriously, it's a real thing. We drink spinach smoothies, eat spinach salads, and eat fish and spinach. So... I have weird zit things on me that aren't zits. I got them on my legs... or maybe they're bed bug bites. Either way, Tyler thinks I'm full of crap.

Anyway. I love brussel sprouts so much.

Tonight at our last official Community Group we discussed out five year plans. It was kind of cool to say it out loud.

Gosh, I'm sleepy. Five year plan to come.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Mother's day

My mom's sweet friend (and our next door neighbor growing up) Cindy passed away. Probably the most hilarious, crazy, positive, cancer fighter there was... up there with Mrs. Dees. The string of emotions that cancer, sickness, death, or just plain brokenness causes me to feel is so strange. All I know is that this place is not the way it's supposed to be, and in all the darkness I'm constantly pointed to how God is going to fix this place and us. I know Cindy can see that now, and some day we'll all see it completely. I keep going from straight pissed to confused to remorse, and then joy. It's not supposed to be this way, but it won't always be this way. Even though I haven't talked to Cindy in years, she impacted me because she impacted my mom and I love her for that.

I'm tired and unhealthy. Only six more days in a row of work, and then the weekend off.

Happy Mother's day to my sweet mom, my sweet sisters, and all the other mom's that I love. I put my mom through some sweet torture in high school. College too, getting married when I was a baby, and staying moved away. Mom, I love you so much and someday I'll live close to you and we can hang out.

It's almost 7 pm and I want a nap.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Alisha, I did hot yoga my freshman year when I was depressed and thought that drinking tiny bottles of Mountain Dew was cute. It killed me (hot yoga... and the Mountain Dew). I think it would still be killer, but I'd like to try it again. It's called Bikram yoga and there are 27 different poses (though I'm sure some people just do yoga with the heater on). Someday when you're a wealthy Counselor and I'm a poor yoga teacher, let's do some hot yoga together.

I got up this morning at 5 am, met my boss at his house, and rode with him out to Wash, MO for the Tent Sale. It was like being at a yard sale for 8 hours. And I rode with him because they don't want to pay gas mileage for driving anymore, which is fine. I tried to harbor some of his awkward comments in my brain. Here is one... I told him that we go home for July 4th and that Tyler proposed on the roof, so we always go back up there on the 4th. He said to me, "... and make out? Hahahahahaha." I replied, "Only a little bit." Then I asked him how old he was, after we said the same thing at the same time and he yelled, "PERSONAL JENKS!" Best boss ever. Truly. I love the company I work for.

When I got home, I laid down in exhaustion. Then I put my favorite headband on and cleaned the bathroom with bleach. And vacuumed and mopped. Tyler mowed. I cut kale and and swiss chard from the garden and made a salad with homemade dressing. Tyler grilled the most lovely steak and we ate it with quinoa at the picnic table in the back yard in the perfect weather. Then we took Charlotte for a walk on Main Street... and now we're watching New Girl. If this isn't a disgustingly good day, I don't know what is.

Back to the tent sale tomorrow... Also, we sold about $25K today. A normal wednesday at the busiest store (my store!) we do about 5K. So. There you go. It was insane.

The end.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Would drain the ocean dry

Friday night I got to spend time with my dear friend Alisha. Tyler grilled steak and we made a salad, drank mediocre wine and went for a walk. Alisha is cool because my husband loves her too. It's not like she's just my friend, she's our friend and Tyler gets excited to have her over for dinner and catch up. They talk about the housing market and math, then Alisha and I go on a walk and talk about girl things. She gets Malbec mouth just like I do, so I don't feel embarrassed to smile with stained teeth.

Saturday morning I had a staff meeting. From there, I drove out to Wentzville to spend the day with Tyler's family. All the boys went golfing and the girls went shopping. From work to Wentzville is about an hour drive. I talked to half my family on the phone, so that was nice. My brother is funny - we talked about shoes because he enjoys that subject as much as I do. He kept calling the front of the shoe a "toe bucket," and I was like, "Dude, it's a toe box." We laughed and he made jokes about buckets of toes. It was gross. I miss him.

I will be spending a long weekend with my entire family in June at Grand Lake!!!!!!!!!! When we figured out we were going, I was in a good mood for a full day. Just pure excitement, like floating on a cloud. It'll be great.

It was nice to spend Saturday with Tyler's fam. Granny was there, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, and baby. "I'll Have Another" won the race, and the jockey was so sweet. He was Hispanic and he cried so hard when he won. He said in a sweet little accent, "I.... I don't know what to say."

We dropped the bomb that we will not be going to Kentucky with the whole family for Memorial Day weekend. We've gone every year since we were dating. This is the first year that Papaw won't be there. I feel bad, and I know we hurt Sandy and Granny specifically. We really just need a weekend where I take off and don't have to go somewhere or do something. I cried on the drive home. Just a multitude of emotions.

We went to the Shead's Cinco De Mayo party Saturday night. A ton of pork butt, margaritas, and Mexican beer. It was a fun time. Lots of people were there. I really just wanted a hug from a close friend and to cry a little bit. I got that. And then we partied.

I slept in this morning, went to IGA for coffee and doughnut. After the song service I needed to cough a big one, so I went to the bathroom. When I walked back I saw the Shead's sitting outside. Today's service was a baby dedication... anyway, so I talked to them for a bit, then I felt weird going back into the service so I stayed outside and chatted. It reminded me of those Sundays after our church split and Karen Petty and I would skip Sunday school for some Daylight doughnuts and sausage rolls and Mountain Dew. We'd go in late to church and sit in the back. It was like death anyway, so why not be late for it. Those were sad days. Anyway, "skipping" today as a married adult felt slightly wrong, but baby dedications are pretty boring (sorry, that's evil I know). I only felt sad that I left Tyler sitting in the service without me. It was enjoyable though, to talk to my close friends and be in God's creation and be overwhelmed by how good God is. I went back in when the music started. I took communion and just felt overwhelmed because God's love is so huge. I just cry all the time, but I can't sing and cry at the same time. So I just cry.

We napped so hard today. I dreamed that I went into the Bethel Library, but it had been taken over by people outside the Church (capital C). I talked to the librarian who was a crazy yoga woman and when the said the word "animal" she said "canimal" in a weird accent. As we talked, more and more headbands were stacking around my neck and on my head. I had to keep pushing them out of my eyes. I was getting freaked out and I kept saying, "Ok, well thank you for the information," and trying to leave (like I did with the Juice Plus lady at the health fair the other day). I tried to walk out the front door of the library and she said, "What are you doing? You have to go out the basement door." At this point, I knew they were going to kidnap me. I walked down some stairs into a beautiful wooden basement where cloaked people were doing yoga/ninja moves and I easily walked out the basement door and ended up in the choir loft... but the auditorium was empty. Then I got out of there. Creepy dream. So many things mixed in there. I love how I can pinpoint why I dream things.

I went to the Community Garden to plant some seeds. Then our friends Keith and Holly picked us up and took us to a Mexican restaurant. It was authentic and it was amazing. We really like our new friends. They are goofy and Holly speaks Spanish. It's cool. She ordered in Spanish. Anyway, they showed up in our lives right as Lacy and Dustin were moving. Not that anyone replaced them, but it's amazing how God takes care of us and heals our broken hearts when things get taken away. I'm just thankful for that. Tyler and I went for a walk tonight. Charlotte got to play with her dad Mac. We walked around Frenchtown and it was beautiful. When we go for walks I think one of us always says, "I like our life," or "We have a good life." We do. So thankful for Community.

Anybody have any good book recommendations? Either health or Christian is what I'm thinking right now. Fiction, only if it's the next Hunger Games kind of series. Alyson, what's that daily devotional you always quote from?


Wednesday, May 2, 2012


I want to be perfect, but I am so very not. When someone tells me something good about myself, I latch onto it like it's a floatie in the deep end. But I have to act like it's not a big deal, or it's not true, because that's humility, right?... I'm working on saying thank you and just leaving it at that. When someone points out that I'm not perfect, I get defensive or try to validate it... or boldly say, "Yeah, I do that. It's not good," and continue to do whatever that thing is and think look at me, I'm awesome... I'm open and honest. Barf.

Today my boss, who I haven't really talked to in a few weeks (we used to have weekly 4 hour meetings) dropped by and told me all the the things that our store needed to work on. This is ok. Someone had to say it. But when I'm dealing with so much stuff, little details don't get taken care of. I feel overwhelmed. I do 17 things at one time, and this doesn't work well, if you didn't know. We got busy today, someone called in sick, I helped customers from 9:30 until 1:30, I was so hungry I could have puked my coffee. I nearly peed myself. Anyway, it drained me to hear the list of things I needed to do better from my boss. I got slightly defensive, of course. But my boss knows I do that and he just smiled at me. I went to yoga thinking I might cry at any moment.

But I didn't, until I came home and read Denise's blog.

It was a good cry. Obviously, you can see from this post I am self-absorbed and I think the details of my life are very important and that I work harder than most people. I was looking for ways to be perfect, ease my stress, feel better about myself, to feel awesome again, and to make people see that I am awesome and always make the right decisions because I'm 24 and my frontal lobes are completely developed... and then I read one of Denise's posts, where she said this -

"What a lifetime of trying could not do, God has begun to do for me by stripping away all my security, my dignity, and all my hope in anything or anyone that is not himself.  I have been humbled and humiliated, scorned, manipulated and violently rejected.  But I have grown.  I have known Jesus better.  I have rested in the work of Christ.  Do I want to suffer?  Am I happy that I have had to suffer in this way? (hmm - trick question?)  No.  This sin, this terrible, terrible thing that has happened to us - it's not the way its supposed to be.  But, God will redeem what he is pleased to redeem."