Cranky pants

Today we went to eat with a few people from our Gospel Community. I got the Garden Hash. It was very good. But potatoes always make me crash. I'm serious.

We had made plans to play volleyball after lunch. I didn't want to, and I made that pretty clear. But I usually do what people want me to do, so I was going to go suffer through a few games and then sit out or leave. But then I crashed hard, fell asleep, and when it was time to go I flipped my poo, yelled at Tyler, decided I would go so I didn't ruin everyone's game, he said I wasn't going because... who wants to be around me when I'm like that..., then I said fine, and took a nap.

I just woke up, feeling groggy and light headed. I guess I can't fully blame potatoes :). I am struggling with balancing being polite and just saying, "I'm freaking hungry, can we please order now," or doing what makes everyone happy. Like, we had people over last night. I loved having them over. I kept thinking, "I could just sneak away and sleep, and no one would really notice," but I couldn't bring myself to do it until Allison said, "Why don't you go to sleep?" Ah. Permission. I love permission.

Here is some good news that I am very pumped about. I will be attending another yoga teacher training starting in September. Holy cow, not sure how I'll do it. But I'm going to. It's two full weekends a month, and I'll be going through December whenever the baby is born (it ends in February). At least it will keep me in shape a bit. It's the Yogahour Teacher Training. It's like a power-flow vinyasa style class, typically doing about 100 poses in an hour. Right now, in basics, I teach about 30-40 poses an hour.There's a lot more to it, but I'll just leave it at that. Darren Rhodes created the style. He's this normal looking husband and dad, who has really good things to say. I did a workshop with him last year, so I'm pretty pumped to hear more from him .

This is him

This training will allow me to teach Yogahour at my studio, even though I won't be officially certified since I can't finish the training this year. Which will be nice when I don't have a full-time job and I want to teach more often. I'm thrilled. And I think this training will give my brain the jolt that I've been looking for.

So that's that. I'm feeling better... only puking every few days. Can't really get rid of my deep voice or snot, but it's not as bad as it was. I sang this morning at church, and I pretty much had to yell at the end to get anything to come out.

I am looking forward soo much to going to Springfield/Tulsa in three days. We'll stay the night in Springfield with Dustin and Lacy, and then drive the rest of the way (the entire 2 and a half hours) to Owasso. I can't wait. We'll head back the Monday after July 4th, making next week a short week for me.

Lastly, I bought a dress and it is maternity. It accentuates the belly quite a lot.

2nd Trimester "high" and other thoughts

The "high" is in quotes, because I just feel kind of normal now, and I'm reading this book called Spiritual Midwifery where all these dope hippies refer to pregnancy and labor as psychadelic and being high, and Holy. I like it.

I just got to spend some time with my dear friend Lauren. I mostly whisper-talked, because I lost my voice. She ended up whispering back. It was a very quiet meeting, and it was lovely. Kind of dark outside, puppies asleep, sky on the verge of spilling over. 

Anyway, I expressed my fears of having a baby to Lauren - not even the actual birth part (I'm an ignorant fool, I know. It's ok to say that) but the part where the decisions you make may not match those of other people... people you even love, and care what they think. From where the baby is born, to it's middle name, to the way you clothe it and feed it. 

When you choose to do things differently, it's automatically offensive to people. Also, I'm a newbie, so doing things differently scares me because there are so many other people with experience. I guess the worst thing is that they may look down on me, or be like "poor, dumb girl." Doing things differently suggests that you think others did it the wrong way. 

I think in general, people do lots of things because it's what everyone does. No one wants to be looked down upon, or condescended to. Or weird. If I'm very passionate about something, I'm going to do all that I can to stick to it. If you don't feel that way, ok, it's just a big deal to me so I want to do it. 

I like to dip things in ranch. If ranch isn't available, I probably won't order something that can be made or broken by ranch dressing (in my opinion). You think that's silly? I like my pizza with ranch. It's ok to think it's silly, but there's no need to try to convince me that pizza is good by itself. It's fine by itself, but it's better with ranch. To me. 

I seek your advice, my friends. I'm not one to keep secrets about my life. I don't want to hide anything because I'm not ashamed of it, I'm just dreading trying to explain myself... because it will suggest that I think my way is better. And I do. For me. 

And, I used to like ranch dressing. I don't really like it anymore.

heading to teach a double at the yoga studio. no big deal, except I feel terrible. my head is about to explode. I constantly have this dumb, dry-lipped, open-mouth stare. If I were working today, I would stay home again. But, we have two teachers out of town and all of us are subbing a lot this week. So it wouldn't really be fair to ask for a sub. I lost 4 pounds yesterday, and when I stand up I nearly pass out. The chiropractor gave me a better iron pill that I should absorb better. Hopefully that will do the trick. Anyway, prayers would be appreciated. I'm trying to change my attitude at this very moment, and blow all the green snot out. Mostly, I want the baby to stay healthy. I'm 13 weeks today. Good day to you all.

Sick Day

I have a sinus infection. It's nuts. 

I went to see my chiropractor yesterday. Ever since my yoga teacher training, my sacrum slips out of place, which can tip your tailbone off to the side. Last week I went to get a prenatal massage and she spent most of the time on my hips/butt because it was hurting to sit/walk. Well, apparently the entire left side of my body (neck, spine, butt, leg) the muscles are so tight that my left leg is almost an inch shorter. CRAZY.

I'm hoping to be able to see this chiropractor every so often - getting adjustments is supposed to make labor shorter... and therefore, maybe, easier/less exhausting. 

I told my staff I was pregnant. Most of them knew anyway. One girl (who I know was told by someone else) acted like she just had a feeling I was pregnant. She said I was acting different and eating all of the mini reece's pieces. That was true, but still. 

I'm reading Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. I love her. I love the book. 

And I just ate a ramekin of peanut butter. 

Mexican Rice

Like many other foods, I ate this one to death and now I don't love it anymore. The one thing I think will never get old is popcicles. Pop ice? Whatever. I love it. Yeah, Al, the ones that taste like fake grapes. Baby likes fake grapes too.

We met our midwife tonight. She's awesome, and we heard a heartbeat again. The fetus is still so low and tiny, and yet, I feel like I am carrying a canteloupe. When you walk out of a Mexican restaurant, having a tummy like this is not cute. But, the salsa is so good.

Facebook. Let's talk about it. I got back on. Mostly, I just miss seeing pictures of my family. I have like seven years of pictures on facebook and nowhere else. That's a committment. It scares me not to have those anymore. Anyway, now I'm getting friend requests from people I'm not friends with. Yes, I grew up with them, but I don't want to watch their life like a tabloid, and I feel like I should do the same for them and not accept their request. But perhaps I'm looking into it too much. It's always been a struggle... balancing pleasing people and being a cynic, and then just being honest and living without too much thought on simple matters. 

Anonymous Zach, what do you have to say about it?

I'm teaching yoga four times this week. Hermm... I've learned that I have to prepare for every class. My new goal is to learn everyone's names. I'm bad at it. I found that by saying, "Hey students, I'm terrible at names. I'm working on it. I'm going to say your name during class, so correct me if I get it wrong." It helped a lot. I connected more with people. I was more myself. It's like when you acknowledge a person, they acknowledge you. It makes it more okay to sometimes confuse your rights and your lefts, or call your knees your elbows. People have a little more grace. As long as they leave class feeling known and maybe a little bit more empowered, I'm happy with it. 

Barf. I need to go to bed.