I just got to spend some time with my dear friend Lauren. I mostly whisper-talked, because I lost my voice. She ended up whispering back. It was a very quiet meeting, and it was lovely. Kind of dark outside, puppies asleep, sky on the verge of spilling over.
Anyway, I expressed my fears of having a baby to Lauren - not even the actual birth part (I'm an ignorant fool, I know. It's ok to say that) but the part where the decisions you make may not match those of other people... people you even love, and care what they think. From where the baby is born, to it's middle name, to the way you clothe it and feed it.
When you choose to do things differently, it's automatically offensive to people. Also, I'm a newbie, so doing things differently scares me because there are so many other people with experience. I guess the worst thing is that they may look down on me, or be like "poor, dumb girl." Doing things differently suggests that you think others did it the wrong way.
I think in general, people do lots of things because it's what everyone does. No one wants to be looked down upon, or condescended to. Or weird. If I'm very passionate about something, I'm going to do all that I can to stick to it. If you don't feel that way, ok, it's just a big deal to me so I want to do it.
I like to dip things in ranch. If ranch isn't available, I probably won't order something that can be made or broken by ranch dressing (in my opinion). You think that's silly? I like my pizza with ranch. It's ok to think it's silly, but there's no need to try to convince me that pizza is good by itself. It's fine by itself, but it's better with ranch. To me.
I seek your advice, my friends. I'm not one to keep secrets about my life. I don't want to hide anything because I'm not ashamed of it, I'm just dreading trying to explain myself... because it will suggest that I think my way is better. And I do. For me.
And, I used to like ranch dressing. I don't really like it anymore.
as a natural(ish) birthing, cloth-diapering, babywearing kind of mom living in the middle of oklahoma, I have had a lot of the same thoughts you describe here. but not so much any more. I have found that most people have concerns and insecurities and very few people really honestly think their way is the best/only way. I have found that simple things put people at their ease when you're discussing different styles. I've found that everyone knows what works best for them and we all have things to learn from each other... haha, that sounds so kumbaya of me! but really, I think you will find what works for you and find it's easier to discuss it with people who think differently than you may expect. just my two cents worth. :)
ReplyDeleteso glad you're feeling better!!!
ReplyDeleteShannon, if you don't want to follow baby wise, I'll disown you. :)
ReplyDeleteJoking, joking.
Are you drinking coffee again? Doesn't that give you a high?
I did some things differently than others when it came to my babies and I had to deal with the self imposed (and sometimes society imposed) guilt for that. Ultimately, what I came to, was that God chose me (and my husband) to be the stewards of these little eternal souls. He chose me, not my friends, not my relatives, me. I will answer to Him for my choices and so I need to do what I think is best and the most God honoring. Do my kids have a third eye and want to eat worms because I was unable to nurse? No, God allowed them to bond quickly and deeply with their Daddy who got to help with feedings. Am I a nazi because my kids function better with routine and a set quiet time/nap every day? Perhaps. What I'm trying to say is to answer your critics with love and try not to be defensive. Disagreement will arise with loved ones, but use it as sanctification not sin.
ReplyDeleteThis is heavy. I think the pizza/ranch thing is a strictly Oklahoman characteristic. I'd probably do it too if I liked ranch.
Ahh, I love you and your honesty and the way you express what's on your mind. :) i had and still have the same thoughts and feelings. You will truly make an amazing mom, Shan. Love you!
ReplyDelete