Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Kind, not defensive.

Sometimes I post stuff that I've been thinking for so long that I'm like, surely I said this on here 2 weeks ago. But I haven't posted in a while and I need some blog-therapy.

I woke up this morning (actually I planned last night) hoping to get Leon to sleep on the mattress on the floor so I could come downstairs and enjoy one uninterrupted cup of coffee and a little silence while Tyler read. I would have sat in my chair in the corner of the living room and just listened to the heater, maybe planned my day or read/prayed the morning prayer.

Leon just really loves to sleep either in the crook of my arm or just knowing that I'm right next to him. 98% of the time, I love that. So he woke and I was immediately moody and just the sound of Tyler opening the fridge pissed me off. I'm so much quieter than him, but I think it's because I work hard all day for maybe an hour to myself while Leon naps, so I won't risk waking him by being not totally quiet. It wasn't Tyler's fault that Leon woke. I just wanted to sigh and for someone to say "I'm sorry it went this way."

I hate to complain about stuff like this because it's just my life, and the normal response is for someone to tell me how to get him on a schedule or how to sleep through the night or how to eat food. And then I have to accept that I've made this choice, I just want someone to go "ah, bummer." And I have to remind myself that everyone has different goals. That's hard for me. Lately I have felt defensive, like I need to defend my parenting style or my diet. And I just have to take deeps breaths and tell myself that people aren't seeking my demise when they tell me what my child needs or what I need. They are telling me what they think. And I know far too well that I share what I think with others, not without great thought though, because I'm afraid of offending people. But it comes back down to the fact that we all have different goals and are in different life stages.

Last night I gave my ring fingertip a good chopping whilst cutting onions. It's kind of deep. So deep it didn't bleed much, but now it's just gross and I keep reopening it. I hate having cuts.

Leon fake laughs, fake coughs, and is starting to dance/jump. Like, both feet off the ground jump. It's crazy. He walks backward and sideways in a little crouch and it's freaking hilarious. He loves facetime, and he is starting to try to eat a little more. He likes Ezekiel bread, cheese, boiled carrots, grapefruit... pretty much anything I give him he will chew on and lick, and occasionally ingest.

But this morning was perfect, because after all my frustration Leon fell asleep at 8:30 (when he usually wakes up from the night), and I got on here to read my sister Amanda's blog... which was all about enjoying those little moments with your kids and I cried a whole lot, enough to make my nose hurt like I had inhaled water.

I got to enjoy 1/2 a cup of uninterrupted coffee before Leon woke from his nap, and now he's playing with a book by himself. I love watching his brain work. I'm going to watch this little boy grow up into a man. Life is so weird and beautiful.

I'm working on taking deep breaths and being kind, not defensive. Wooooooo, it's hard.

Being silly with Mimi

All he wants to do is press the button at the bottom of the phone

Just after his bday cupcake

post cupcake bath time
Sneak peek at our fall family photos
The end. 


  1. That's the sweetest thing ever. I can't wait to see him walk sideways in a crouch. :) you're such a hard working, loving mom, and its darn hard and weird and way beautiful.

  2. I love your pictures! Leon just cracks me up.