I'm just 9.5 weeks, but I needed to break my silence. And since being pregnant is pretty much the only thing I can think about since I hate the smell of my house and I hate opening the fridge and sometimes my deodorant makes me even more nauseous and I hate left overs and I can't drink coffee because it is now utterly disgusting to me and I dry heave for 5 minutes when I brush my teeth and I burp/hiccup all the time and my mouth fills with drool like I'm about to puke, this is pretty much the only thing I can blog about.
I'm a pretty open person anyway. It just makes sense that some of my friends/family knew as soon as I peed on the pregnancy test. "Hey, I've been pregnant for about 5 seconds, and I feel great!"
Well, fast forward a few weeks. I'm having a hard time. I just went to breakfast with a friend. She said, "How are you?" I said, "I'm okay." She said, "Are you lying?" I said, "Yes." And then I cried hard.
I feel like the most ungrateful person ever. I have this miracle thing with webbed fingers, toes, and a spine growing inside of me. I feel like a mess. I don't even like having cuts or waking up with boogers in my nose. To feel this disgusting all the time... I am like a psychopath. My brain stopped working right away. I'm serious. That's how I knew. Plus the missed period.
And then to go to work every day, or to teach a yoga class. I feel like I have nothing to give. I'm searching for inspiration, motivation, beauty. People are like, "You're growing a human!" and I'm like, "I'm not smart enough to do that!" And I don't know this alien yet. But I wish it would let my body be okay with coffee, because I'm sleepy and I miss pooping like I used to. Sometimes I pour a cup of coffee and just hold it, but try not to smell it. Usually at church. I'm hearing the gospel, which breaks my crusty heart, and crying because I'm selfish and ungrateful and God is so good and I just want to sip that damn cup of coffee.
Any smart people out there, can you tell me why my mouth tastes worse when I wake up now? I keep thinking I ate a spider during the night.
Unfortunately, my blog skipped the part where I was very excited and couldn't believe it. I am still very excited, but it's masked by the exhaustion/sadness/nausea.
There's the little monster. I love her. We're not finding out the sex, but it's a girl.
There is a slight pooch. It's probably all the bread/oatmeal I consume.
That's my man at the OB. When we got the ultrasound he put his finger on the screen like a little boy in awesome wonder. It was sweet.
I always fall asleep in the Dr.'s office. They take forever. Tyler took a picture of that chart and sent it to his friends.
Tyler is calling the baby Eugene. Not like Eugene, but EU-gene.