Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Boom. Pregnant.

I'm talking about myself.

I'm just 9.5 weeks, but I needed to break my silence. And since being pregnant is pretty much the only thing I can think about since I hate the smell of my house and I hate opening the fridge and sometimes my deodorant makes me even more nauseous and I hate left overs and I can't drink coffee because it is now utterly disgusting to me and I dry heave for 5 minutes when I brush my teeth and I burp/hiccup all the time and my mouth fills with drool like I'm about to puke, this is pretty much the only thing I can blog about. 

I'm a pretty open person anyway. It just makes sense that some of my friends/family knew as soon as I peed on the pregnancy test. "Hey, I've been pregnant for about 5 seconds, and I feel great!"

Well, fast forward a few weeks. I'm having a hard time. I just went to breakfast with a friend. She said, "How are you?" I said, "I'm okay." She said, "Are you lying?" I said, "Yes." And then I cried hard. 

I feel like the most ungrateful person ever. I have this miracle thing with webbed fingers, toes, and a spine growing inside of me. I feel like a mess. I don't even like having cuts or waking up with boogers in my nose. To feel this disgusting all the time... I am like a psychopath. My brain stopped working right away. I'm serious. That's how I knew. Plus the missed period. 

And then to go to work every day, or to teach a yoga class. I feel like I have nothing to give. I'm searching for inspiration, motivation, beauty. People are like, "You're growing a human!" and I'm like, "I'm not smart enough to do that!" And I don't know this alien yet. But I wish it would let my body be okay with coffee, because I'm sleepy and I miss pooping like I used to. Sometimes I pour a cup of coffee and just hold it, but try not to smell it. Usually at church. I'm hearing the gospel, which breaks my crusty heart, and crying because I'm selfish and ungrateful and God is so good and I just want to sip that damn cup of coffee.

Any smart people out there, can you tell me why my mouth tastes worse when I wake up now? I keep thinking I ate a spider during the night. 

Unfortunately, my blog skipped the part where I was very excited and couldn't believe it. I am still very excited, but it's masked by the exhaustion/sadness/nausea. 

There's the little monster. I love her. We're not finding out the sex, but it's a girl. 

There is a slight pooch. It's probably all the bread/oatmeal I consume. 

That's my man at the OB. When we got the ultrasound he put his finger on the screen like a little boy in awesome wonder. It was sweet. 

I always fall asleep in the Dr.'s office. They take forever. Tyler took a picture of that chart and sent it to his friends. 

Tyler is calling the baby Eugene. Not like Eugene, but EU-gene. 


  1. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
    I feel like I've been waiting for this post forever, not in a hurry up way just a I wonder when way :)
    So so excited for you!!! Sorry you are feeling sick though, have you tried a hazelnut latte? For some reason I couldn't handle black coffee either but the sweet stuff that's so good for you was totally doable ;)

  2. oh YAYYY!!! I wondered if that was why you hadn't posted in forever :) I second Jenny on sweet coffee. Also, it's okay to feel sad. It will get better and it doesn't mean you are not grateful. Because you clearly are. :) It will get better! Wheeee!!!

  3. Shannon, this is amazing. Seriously!

  4. I was sad for you this past weekend. It will get better so soon and you'll see beauty and be inspired again. This is such an exciting and amazing time, with little spots of darkness that you'll come out of with more joy. I remember it so well. Feeling hopeless and hating that I couldn't just work up some motivation. It'll come back, the hope and the inspiration, along with the caffeine. It'll get great so soon. Hang in there. Love you!

  5. I'm so glad you can blog now! :) It won't be long till you start feeling better! Feeling gross always made my emotions worse. Now being swollen makes my emotions worse. :) Don't feel bad when you have to be sad and cry. Jesus loves you and Tyler loves you and it's okay to be a mess. Also, you're probably not going to stop crying any time soon and thats okay! :)

  6. That's wonderful news, minus the puking and lack of coffee part. We all feel crazy, out of control and totally freaked out during our first pregnancy. The weird misery, wonderfulness? Totally normal.