I went on a walk today with Leon. I used to be terrified of running or walking around town by myself because standing at intersections made me feel really insecure. I don't care anymore, plus it's easier to distract myself with a stroller instead of like, "Ah! Where do I look? What do I do with my hands?" I walked to Picasso's, Leon slept, I maneuvered my stroller into the shop (up stairs, through a swinging door) which I'm sure they hate, but we don't live in Finland where you can leave your babies in strollers outside. I got my coffee and sat down outside. By myself. I didn't even sweat or turn red.
This, my friends, is a breakthrough. Come with me, back to the time when I was 15 and had the social skills of a shy 4-year-old. I used to turn so red when people talked to me, sweat, and in college I still would get my tongue caught in my throat if I was talking and nervous. It came out as a random stutter. Anyway.
The weather was perfect, and then it hailed tiny pea sized hail for a bit, and then it was perfect again. And I felt like I could tackle anything. It is amazing what being outside can do to you.
While I was at Picasso's there was a late-forties guy who was at church on Sunday. At church I had told Tyler I knew the guy from somewhere, but he didn't recognize him. So the guy is walking toward the door and I said, "excuse me, sir" because I'm a weirdo. I asked him if he was at Refuge on Sunday. He was. We chatted a bit until we both realized at the same time that I had sold him shoes at New Balance. I remember when I met him I thought "that guy is a little wacky, but I like him." And before we discovered how we knew each other today I thought, "this guy is a little wacky, but I like him."
And then I remembered the customer I helped who visited every year from Colorado. She was INSANE. We hit it off just great. She invited me to come stay with her in CO. And another lady who is a children's book author and wears Harry Potter glasses and would ask me, "Shannon... how are you doing?" I'd say fine. Then she'd say, "no, I mean... how are you doing." Oh, she's like, asking about my soul.
I just love crazy people. I'm serious.
Tyler's sweet Granny left us some money when she passed away, so we used it to purchase a king size bed, a dresser with a mirror, and a nightstand. Oh and a mattress. It will arrive in the middle of April and I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!! We're going to move it upstairs into the pine room, and leave our current bedroom as the guest bedroom. When/... if... Leon ever stops sleeping in our bed, he will have the other upstairs room. Change is so exciting! I love it. Though, attics freak me out. I told Tyler we need to stay up their one night to make sure it isn't haunted. I'm only half kidding when I say that if there are ghosts in our house, they have been nice ones so far.
I am almost done reading Girl at the End of the World. It's a true story about a girl who grew up in a religious cult, and I won't tell you anymore... I haven't read the end yet. Emotionally, it's hard to read. But she does a fantastic job of telling her story. My heart hurts a little when I think about it. I mean, picture little kids from Westboro Baptist holding a sign that says "God Hates Fags." How manipulated and brainwashed and abused they are, and the people doing it truly believe they're doing what's right. Man. The world is dark, but there is hope.
Anyway. This week feels busy. But I like it. And I like storms. Leon has started to cease crying when I sing to him, and he smiles and laughs, and then sometimes when I stop singing he starts crying again. Also, sometimes he will look at me and just smile and talk, and then his eyes water. Today he was smiling at me and a full blown tear fell down his cheek. Either his eyes are just watery or both of his parents are very emotional and he got it. I think it's the latter.
I'll be done now.