I've had an attitude about yoga training for a while. One weekend I lost my ring and Tyler was mad at me. All the other weekends I've been PMSing. Therefore, bad attitude.
I got there this weekend with a bad attitude. All along it's been "I'll do what I have to do to teach a class. I don't need to know the myths or philosophy." I still believe that I don't need to know that stuff to teach a yoga class, but why choose not to learn something when it's being taught to you? I'm the same person I was in high school and college. Do the least amount to get by and graduate. Barf. I don't even like those kinds of people. I am that.
Anyway, having a good yoga practice does not mean you'll be a good teacher, so this is something I will have to work on, do what I'm told to do (homework), and it's going to be painful. I hate sucking at things. My teaching today was mediocre at best. Such a humbling process.
I think it would be so much easier to teach friends, people who don't totally know what they're doing but want to know, and not have your teachers staring at you and writing things down.
It's tough teaching people who already know the poses and the actions. A trainee tried to adjust my hands during down dog and I got pissed. Probably isn't fair, but I only want to be adjusted by someone who's built trust with me. Anyway...
For people who don't know me well, I think I might be a little dry. Then I get up to teach and my small, dry personality just dies. I need to find that. That's stressful.
I can feel the growth coming on. Not like a tumor, but like, I'm being toned and humbled and refined and crushed and hopefully put back together.
In the next two weeks I have to do a lot of uncomfortable things, like record myself teaching poses, teach my friends, and write three meditations to do in class in front of 30 people. Puke.
I'm going to change my attitude, or I think it's already changing a little bit.
My brother just told me he reads my blog. This was his summary: Tyler is home. I just got home from work. I'm on my period. Tyler is gone. I'm going to yoga.