Black coffee

Hey guys, I drink my coffee black now (with Stevia). This is a pretty big life change.

This week has been weird. I did a lot of thinking after yoga training last weekend. The kind of thinking you don't share with anyone because you might scare them. But thinking these thoughts alone scared me, so I shared my thoughts with two close friends and Tyler, and they weren't scared.

My teacher was talking about the myths and how if we thought about the resurrection of Jesus more as a metaphor than literal, then Christianity might be a little more accessible. I've heard people say Jesus didn't really resurrect, and I've heard them say He did. I've never, not once in my twenty-four and a half years, even considered the resurrection as a metaphor, which actually scared me.

I am being taught that yoga isn't just on your mat, it's everywhere. So there's the Jesus Gospel the Yoga Gospel. I've heard, "Well, yoga is just complementary to your belief in God." Mmmmmm... I wish I could say okay to that. Also, a zillion people believe in God, but Jesus is hardly an afterthought.

So now, a month away from teaching, I am slightly terrified. Trying to figure out how to be in that culture, but not of it. It's a very "coexist" sort of culture, but I don't believe in that. If someone is running as quickly as possible in a direction that will kill them, I'm going to stop them. I'm not going to say, "Well, that's their way, this is mine."

I knew that this would happen... that doing this training would just make me think, force me to know, and to believe something. To stop living so passively. It's so easy to conform to whatever group you're in, especially when you're only around Christians. Try being a Christian around people who think that organized religion is ignorant and unintelligent. So easy for me to stay quiet and get cynical.

All I know is that living as my own savior is exhausting, it doesn't work, it's lonely, it's terrifying, it's hopeless. I look around and know that this place didn't explode into awesomeness. God made it awesome and put a longing and a need in my heart to be known by Him, to know Him, and to glorify Him. Only Him. Not Him plus anything else.

So when I'm teaching, I'm just going to teach from my own experience. Not just saying what my teachers say, not trying to sound "yogic" and vague, and maybe not fitting into the mold that I'm being trained to be in.

I'm planning a free yoga class for all the ladies at my church as we speak. I'm excited.