I'm listening to First Aid Kit's Stay Gold and it's nice. Sisters, you will like it. They are girls. Tyler hates girl singers, besides me. HA.
Oh, parenting. Yeah, I don't know anything. I read an article about parenting a toddler. It blew my mind a little. Also, all my life I thought it was "spankin," not realizing that actual word is "spanking," and some people actually call it "a spanking." I thought they were really proper if they called it a spanking.
Someone, very nicely and not intending to correct me or be forceful with their opinion at all (truly. I'm not being sarcastic), said "well, kids should be sleeping through the night by 6 months." I find myself being more careful with the word "should." Leon and I were fine, minus that we wake up sweaty sometimes. Then I went to bed thinking "MY CHILD IS BEHIND!" since he eats during the night and sleeps by me/on me. Tyler said that I needed better sleep. It's true, I wake up and feel like a fat fly bumping into things. A quick cold brew and I'm good. I don't have a job other than raising our baby (I don't count yoga, because... it's too fun to be a job), so I'm just considering it a part of my job to wake up sometimes with my hair drenched in sweat or with a voracious little piglet chomping at my boob.
I read this article, and my confidence was back. I just, very quickly, lose myself. People are so confident! "Things should be this way." Kellymom is my go-to website when I'm not sure about something.
People keep asking "when are you gonna feed him solids?" And it's just a question. That's all. But of course I'm like, "uh... soon? Is that the answer you were looking for?" I'm a weirdo.
Anyway, someone I hardly know had a baby and was having a tough time breast feeding. Her friend called me and asked questions, I tried to help as much as I could... but I could hear the baby crying in the background and I just had a rush of memories from five months ago and after I hung up, I cried. It's hard. Everything is hard, but so rewarding too. Goodness.
So... I guess I'm trying to be more gentle with myself, but also confident in my decisions. And gentle with others. What's that over-used quote - be kind to everyone you meet, because we're all fighting a hard battle. Something like that. Some respond differently, like by being mean, because they've been hurt a lot. I guess I'd rather be hurt and tender than angry and hard. God, keep my heart soft.
oh man, I've started working about 20 hours a week (haven't worked outside home since Owen was born) and I seriously think every day about how glad I am that Violet still sleeps right next to me and nurses all night long. I really am, even the nights I don't get as much sleep. She's 15 months old and getting all busy and independent and spending way more time apart from me than she ever has before, but I still get to have that time to snuggle her, and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
ReplyDeleteshoulds are super hard. I spent a lot of time stressing about how much sleep clark was getting vs what he should be getting. like an entire year of his life. Also, kellymom is awesome.
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