Yesterday I managed to feed myself an apple and some coconut ice cream, not including what Tyler made me for breakfast before he left. Then I went to Trailhead for a nice glass of water and some nachos, and fellowship with my dear friends. I texted him this morning to let him know that without him, I would be a disgusting and unhealthy, possibly starving person. But rather than using all of those descriptive words, I said I'd be a man.
Besides practicing yoga in the morning and going to a yoga class last night, I literally spent the day reading. Eventually I realized I was sitting in my own filfth and I took a shower. The thing is, I didn't feel bad about it. I think you're allowed one of those days every once in a while.
Lately I've had many subjects of things I want to write about floating around in my head. I wrote out my Gospel Story to share with my community group girls. I'd encourage everyone to do it, and maybe just start by sharing it with one person or two. You can always take things out or add things to it as you realize the significance of things. Don't get me wrong - it's terrifying to share. But it's good. And it's basically your life story through the lens of the gospel. Mine is specifically from the perspective of how my experiences have impacted my view of who God is, mostly in a negative way, and coming through that as a 25-year-old, married, pregnant woman rediscovering the true personality of God.
The other two subjects I've been wanting to write about have to do with yoga. One of them being a letter to new practitioners. I basically want to say go see a counselor before you start yoga. It sounds insane, but people come expecting a workout class and then find themselves challenged with their insecurities and inabilities, and then literally throw fits during class. Sixty year old women sitting on the floor scowling at me, saying "WHAT?!" when I give and alignment instruction. Another big one is that new practitioners are so obsessed with getting into the pose and "being good" at it that they don't listen to a damn thing. I'm working on being patient with people who literally do not listen. But I want to yell at them.
And lastly, trying to figure out why yoga is so much different for some people than other kinds of workouts. It's not my religion, and I don't want people to think that my life is yoga + God. Yoga is another activity like drinking coffee and going for a walk. But, these things I know: I've never left a class not feeling better than I did when I came in, it challenges me not just physically, but mentally for sure, sometimes emotionally. Spiritually, because it's an hour of being quiet and sometimes I'll talk to God during that time. It causes me to think about my purpose. I can tell you that practicing yoga consistently for over 2.5 years has increased my level of awareness and desire to be present, not just on my mat either. It's different from any other "work out" I've ever done. Yet, I still can't put my finger on what it is. Maybe it's having a teacher. Maybe it's that I've learned to be my own teacher. I don't know. The hardest part so far has been being pregnant and actually learning and believing that I don't have to take it to the limit. I can only do what my body lets me today. And then I see people who have taken three classes, have a knee injury, and can't touch the floor, yet they push push push because they are out to prove something to themselves and others. For some reason, seeing people where I was when I first started is so frustrating. I want to give them tips to help them speed up their process, but perhaps they should just enjoy it. No, they should. It's kind of like how I want 12 year olds to be much more mature than they should be.
Sorry for blabbing about yoga.