Jealous

Ah, Monday. I remember going to bed on Sunday nights full of dread at the thought of a new week, due to work. I am thankful not to have that feeling anymore. I had some intense belly itching going on yesterday. I was in KR again with sixteen 4-6 year olds. Thankfully, the women's restroom has body cream, so I loaded it on my belly and tried not to yell at children. Controlled chaos. Tyler doesn't help. He says things like "CLEAN UP!" in a loud voice with his hands over his head, and blocks go flying. I did not give the kids snacks yesterday because we had about seven goldfish and thirteen nasty plain cheerios, and time flew. It was almost time for them to go. At the end when Tyler told them their parents would be there soon, all the kids came up to me - "we didn't get a snack." I said to them, "Yeah, but would you rather have stale, plain cheerios or a really tasty lunch with your family?" and they'd just stare at me.

All I know is, a kid in the nursery for forty-five minutes to an hour doesn't need a snack. A kid asked for water. I told him to drink his spit, because that's what my Aunt Janet always told me to do. Tough love, my little children! Aunt Shanny doesn't care if you're thirsty. Ok, I don't know why I'm talking this way. Moving on.

The baby has been a little more still last night and this morning, but still shoving itself into painful places. So he's fine. She's fine.

The other day I got jealous of someone. Jealousy is silly. Sure, sometimes I look at other people and long for their flat abs, or their sense of style, or something of theirs that usually has to do with identity, but it's more like a "Oh, that would be nice," and not a "I'm bitter and upset that I don't have that." But the other day a sweet girl with an immaculate body who is halfway through the yoga training that I decided not to do... well, she taught a class. I taught after her, so I asked how it went. It was her second class to teach. Of course she was nervous, but I was so happy for her when she said it went great. Then, a guy who comes to a lot of my classes walked up and said "That was your second class? I thought you'd been teaching as long as Shannon." I just smiled. No, dummy. No. But that's okay.

My issue that I've been working through in counseling is being misunderstood. I wanted this guy to understand how much work I've put into teaching, and how his comment just drowned all of my efforts. Not truly, but almost. In my head, I wanted to take away this girl's skill to make myself feel better. And that isn't fair at all. I'm sure she taught an incredible class. And maybe he was just trying to be extra encouraging.

Either way. I try to be honest with myself. And I want honesty from other people. I am a good teacher, and I have more to learn. My students love me. I had a brand new student in class the other night who hugged me after and said, "it was just that good." On the other hand, I had a woman who pretty much just sat on her mat and scowled at me about a week ago - I think I blogged about it - I talked to my teacher and she said, "You know, Shannon, not everyone is going to like yoga, or Blue Bird, or us as teachers." Amen, Sister. Good reminder.

Anyway. I'm going to move along to the rest of my day.