The way I see it is that I gave up a job that paid bills and that I was burnt out on so that I could "nest" for three months :) and then do this mom thing. perhaps I view motherhood differently because of the way I view myself. I'll come back to that.
Last night I moved the changing table right next to my side of the bed, and I took my old side back :( we had switched sides because that's just where my midwives dragged me after Leon was born. And it was also the side I had begged for earlier on in my pregnancy but Tyler refused it to me. He was quite attached to his side of the bed. Anyway, so he got it back. I changed all the diapers last night because Tyler has been tired and somewhat stressed with work lately while I sit at home with a broken back and adorable baby. Yes, it's hard, but I chose this. And I think I ultimately view being a stay at home mom (my specific role, not stay at home moms in general) as almost a lesser role since I don't make any money. I shouldn't. I know. But I just do. Mostly because sometimes the house is still messy and I don't cook and I haven't showered today. Most people would be like "what did you do all day?" And I'd be like "well the 2 hours I didn't have a baby on me, I blogged and made chocolate and wipes." All important things.
Also though, I know that if Tyler could, he would be home with Leon and I. He is obsessed with our baby. Not that your husbands aren't obsessed with your kids - at all. I guess I just know that he'd be home if he could so my anger isn't really about my role vs. his. It's just bout decisions I have to make. And they terrify me.
Vaccinations. Losing my milk supply. Leon getting sick. Leaving him when we go on a date for the first time.
I just gave him a bottle today so we can start practicing for when I have to teach doubles or be gone for a bit. He did great. I started to tear up but then I got over it. I know it's a good thing. I just want him to only need me and not a plastic bottle that's probably putting toxins into his little baby body. Oh and it was terrifying. I was nervous.
Oh. Have I mentioned that I don't trust... Anyone. It's not a good place to be. It's more scary. And I'm a freak. I apologize. And I overexaggerate a bit. But. Almost no one.
I just made chocolate bars. I had to add sugar because honey doesn't cut it. Once they set, I'm going to sprinkle sea salt on them. Yerm
I also made wipes. I used 1/2 cup of hot water. 1-2tbs of coconut oil. 8 drops of lavender essential oil. Then a roll of viva paper towels cut in half. Put the 1/2 roll in the liquid to soak half of it up and then flip it over. I added a bit more water until it was totally soaked. Tada. Lovely bum wipes. Also once they're wet, the brown middle paper will slip right out. If you have the right size of canister you can use that so it looks cute. I use a ziplock. Beware that if they go unused in an unsealed container they will mold.
I have to go back to teaching. Im a bit scared. I decided while I was away that I will only talk during yoga like I'd talk in real life. So I'm not going to say things that I hear other teachers say. I'm just going to say whatever Shannon would say. You'll hear things like "make space between your thoughts and your actions" and "as you work hard, where can you surrender," and yep, I've said that before. It makes sense. But I just want to be myself. I think thats a good goal. I'll be like, "you there! Soften your ugly scowl." And "listen to my instruction, dummy."
My goal for myself in my practice is to just be a freaking expert at inversions.
I will be running 10 miles a week by May.
I have to learn to use the moby.
Oh. I just ordered some clay. It's used for detoxing. You can drink it in water or use it on your skin. It's like miracle stuff.
Also if you want to poop like a queen, get some psyllium and take it every day.
I'll be done now.