It gets better

People kept saying "it gets better." I told someone they should make a YouTube video about that. But I don't know if they got the joke. 

Well, it does. Slowly but surely. We are fast approaching 4 weeks of momhood/baby life and things are leveling and balancing out. 

Every day with the dogs is like watching The Jungle Book. 

I had an appt with my midwives. Leon had only gained a few ounces and that bummed me out. But they said sometimes babies get a lot longer rather than chunkier. He did get longer. Ah well. Anyhow. 

Sometimes I'll pass Leon off and take a shower. It's the only time I can really gather myself. The only time I'm not covered in milk. Today I envisioned the spring time and I had muscle and we were on a schedule and I was just rocking it. I just needed a change of vision to help me get out of the shower and go back at it. Sometimes it takes me a lot longer to psych myself out to turn the shower off and go back at it. Sometimes before I nurse (when it was a lot harder) Tyler would get Leon ready for me and I'd say "I just need like 30 seconds," and I'd just sit in bed and pray and get hyped to feed my kid. Its a mental game sometimes. 

I remembered a few things that I don't want to forget from the labor. Tyler told his version of the birth story and I had forgotten about this part. I labored on the toilet for a few contractions because I hoped to get the poop out in there. No go. But I decided to head back to the baby room and have Leon in there. I got up and made it to the edge of the bathroom and dropped like a weight to all fours with a contraction that put me over. I had been mid sentence, but then all I could get out was a roar. It was so intense. When Tyler retold this to our friends, I cried. 

Also, a midwife can tell from looking at your placenta how healthy you were, if you smoked, ate too much xyz, etc. In the midst of the bleeding out I was about to jokingly ask them if they could tell how many cigarettes I had a day by looking at the placenta but I was afraid they'd be like "this girl... She's so immature... She just witnessed a miracle and now she's bleeding to death and making jokes." So I didn't say anything. Lots of jokes came to my mind during labor but I was afraid to say them for fear of being immature. I'm such a weirdo. 

Lastly, I have lost every ounce of muscle. My thighs look like that of a woman on her way to the grave, and I was born with a bigger butt than I have right now. It is insane. A month of nursing in a bed will do that to you. I'm going to try to stand more tomorrow. And perhaps do a few sun salutations. Good heavens. My pants are even kind of saggy. Tyler laughs at my butt. It'll be back soon. Oh my gosh, holding plank or doing caturanga is just terrifying. I'll get it back. 

Church was canceled Sunday, but our pastor posted a 20 minute sermon, basically about finding our identity in Christ instead of lofty resolutions. Of course... But I am still so excited to have some goals. I set one a few months back to run 10 miles a week by May 2014. I haven't set any others. But that's what i'll do tomorrow during my 20 minute shower while my baby cries. 

Im kidding. I hate it when he cries. And I miss him when he takes long naps. Man, he's cute. 

Well. I'm going to do things before he wakes up and eats and I spend the rest of my night soaked in milk and pee and sweat. 

Like eat a cookie. 

Milk belly. Monkey. 

He loves Tyler. 

Sleep-eating my neck like a little Gollum.