Saturday, June 16, 2012

Rough week

I've decided to move on from my last post's sadness. I won't mention it again. I've said all I can and need to. I'm sure my sadness will slowly go away. I will stop crying in the shower, and on my way home from work, and before bed. And I will take enough Melatonin to make me fall asleep so I don't toss and turn wondering about if I had made a different choice. I'll eat more than coffee. I'll live like God is good and has a plan so much better than mine.

But, I will say this. I gave Tyler this example of my guilt/sadness. It feels like when you're dating someone, you get along well, you enjoy each other's company for the most part... but you just can't see yourself marrying the person. So you fire them, and they are crushed, and you just feel really really bad, while knowing that you couldn't/wouldn't have had it any other way. I know I made the right choice. I'm just praying that God works in his life and that one day he'll look back and see purpose in all this shit. If you don't know what I'm talking about then you'll just have to read the previous post. And for some reason I can only relate firing someone with dating them, but it wasn't that way in the least.

K, I'm done.

Tyler took me to Trailhead for dinner. Our awesome bartender named Andy had his last nigh tonight. I got a nice long hair embedded into the cheese on my nachos, and it wasn't mine. He gave us everything on the house. We left a fat-ish tip, because we love him. It's always good when someone moves on in the world, from bar tender to web-designer. We'll miss him.

We're home now. Tyler is playing Indelible Grace and Char Girl is staring out the window and bumping the blind strings with her face, licking them occasionally.

Our plants are growing well now.

And all of these things, I wouldn't trade them for a million stars.

God is good, always.

Tomorrow we're going to the Wheeler's for lunch for Father's Day. It will be good.



  1. I am sorry for your rough week. I'm glad you could go to Trailhead and eat and not just live off of coffee. It will get better.

  2. :) A million stars. I wish Nathan talked in his sleep.
    If we know anything, we know healing comes. When it seems like it never could, it really does. I like to remember how small we are in a huge story, and that something greater than the presence of pain or the absence of pain in our circumstances is working around and through those things, and even because of those things.
    You're a precious girl with a heart for others. I'll pray that you'll sing in shower very soon.