I never use titles anymore.

I took a benadryl last night. I slept like a freaking rock. I slept in until 8:45. I got to yoga at 9:30 and no one else showed up. I used to stick around and get a one-on-one class, but now that I'm thinking more like a teacher I give them an out. But, my teacher and I both agreed we'd practice for a half hour and get some coffee. It was perfect. It is good to practice with a friend.

Then I discovered goat cheese and my day continued to be good.

The other day I asked a woman at church what her child's name was. I made a rule for myself that I will now ask "What's your precious baby's name?" instead of saying his/her name. But I hadn't made that rule yet, so I said "What's her name?" Her child is a boy and his name is Emmett. Not a big deal, but I make everything a big deal. I said, "I'm so sorry. I don't know anything about your baby." And what I meant was, Your baby is 4 months old and I haven't taken the time to love you and get to know one of the biggest parts of your life. It just happens that way though. My church is growing, but I need to branch out more.

I feel like I'm especially offensive to mothers since I have been married for more than three years and don't have kids yet. Maybe they think I'm some kind of selfish little millennial who thinks babies are yucky and asks ignorant questions and doesn't know the first thing about the meaning of sacrifice. I know most of this stuff is false and I'm making it up, but I have had these thoughts.

So I just feel like an ignorant child around moms. I was holding a sweet baby last night and he started to stretch. He arched his back and his head rolled off to the side, looking like I was tossing him to and fro.

Anyway, I wrote the mom an email (the one who's child's gender I confused). Her response started with, "Oh, Shannon. We are so much alike." I can't tell you how much weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I'm such a freak sometimes. I actually woke up in the middle of the night and cried about it. And right after I spoke to her I went to the bathroom and cried.

I know that all of us are in different places. I'm an insecure girl who wants babies but always makes them cry or doesn't know how old they should be when they start tying their shoes or talking. Moms have their own insecurities. I always just think, "I hope that person has experienced grace like I have." Because if they have, then they likely will show it to me. If they haven't, all I can do is apologize and pray. And remember that a few people love me and God will always love me.

Lastly. My dear friend whom I love told me that sometimes your dreams are ways for your emotions to let themselves out when you won't let those emotions out in real life. Other ways that happens is when something small strikes a chord, like calling a boy a girl and crying about it for three days. This is all happening to me. I am happy and not really stressed, but something is lurking in my brain. I just need to go to counseling and get it over with.

With peace, Shannon.

I just stood in my new sun room. I made sure the ceilings were high enough so I could do sun salutations. The inspector was like, "This would be a great family room. You could put a TV out here. It'd be great." I wanted to tell him that was the worst idea ever... putting a TV in a sun room. I didn't though. I just told him I was going to teach yoga out there. He seemed disappointed.

It's a beautiful day. Tyler is going to work now. We just had a Totally Tuna from Jimmy John's. Our neighbor is yelling at someone on the phone on his porch. Then Mark (the crazy guy) yelled terrible things at Lisa (the crazy lady) in front of our house. Really makes you want to leave the windows open.  Two yelling conversations with separate parties... at the same moment on the same day, right in front of my house. How weird.

The woman selling us her house is interesting. There is an old chandelier above the dining room table. Tyler said "The first thing I'm going to do is take that thing down when we move in." Today the owner was working at her desk in the living room... kind of awkward. But we talked to her a bit. She seems very sad to sell it, but it's her choice. She wants to live in the next town close to her church and daughter. Well, she said she was very sad to part with the chandelier and thought of taking it with her. We told her to take it, but she said she couldn't. It's a 75 year old chandelier and there are pineapples on it... for good luck.

If she ends up leaving it, I think I convinced Tyler that the chandelier stays.

I need help painting the house... colors, I mean. I'm bad at choosing colors. I just want them to be awesome.

I think it's nap time.

PS. Amanda, I like wood panelling. There isn't too much.

Chans Plange

A few months ago Tyler wanted to purchase a small house just to rent out to people. He's weird. He likes numbers and spreadsheets and real estate. So we looked, a house we wanted to buy fell through, so Tyler had a new plan to purchase a bigger house for us and rent out the one we're currently in.

We looked casually, came across the best realtor in town, and then a house we love. This is hard for me, because we always planned to transition back to Oklahoma soonish. All of my friends here know that, and they all poo-poo it of course. So when we found a house it actually hit me what that meant. I was stressed, I skipped a lot of yoga, I cried in 3-second spurts at random moments while driving. I was dreading telling people back home, because it's my fault that I haven't kept everyone up to date with our plans. Last I mentioned I'm pretty sure I said we'd be home in a year and having a baby.

Well, we found a quaint little house that's three times as big as the house we're in right now. It's got a sun room. Here's the link on Zillow. The kitchen needs to not be pink, but other than that it's great.

Anyway, whoever comes to visit can sleep in a room on a real bed.

It was hard to tell my mom.

All I know is that I feel overwhelmingly thankful and happy and blessed. Like a lucky little kid, except that I'm not lucky and God is just good. Even when things are hard and sad, I'm just reminded of how good He is. We close the last week of November. Please come visit us and stay in our house. Sit in the sun room and sip your coffee.

We'll be hitting up a lot of thrift stores for some furniture to put in the house.

And I can feel it in my bones that I will die in Oklahoma. Things will happen in their appropriate time.

Love, Shannon.

Seemingly ignorant people keep asking me what I'm going to do after college, just assuming this is a college job. I tell them I already have a degree. They're like, "Oh. And you still work here?" It's always people who live in Florida for half of the year, or someone who doesn't have a job (retired, stays at home, etc - which is fine). They say "Oh, I bet your husband has a good job." Yeah, he does. I actually just make monopoly money and we play with it when I get home from work every night.

I think I'm feeling testy because I got a mean email today from a lady who stormed into our store and started yelling that she refused to wait for a Fitting Specialist and wanted help immediately. Oddly enough, this woman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a website full of her counseling services. Her email said she was the kind of customer we wanted - the ones who know what they want and don't need any help. Nope, the place you meant to go to is called Zappos. It's not that we won't help those customers, at all. Most people that come into our store come in for full service, or they don't realize that we're full-service, so we show them. If you hate full-service and want to do it yourself, shop online. Also, if you're like this lady, please never leave your house, because you're mean.

I had a guy complain that his 14 month old shoe was defective because the mesh ripped. I told him it was normal wear and tear. Eventually, I told him I'd give him a credit toward a new shoe, which I totally regret. His next move was "When will the shoe go on sale?" I told him in 2 years when the shoe is phased out and updated. He asked if he could continue to wear his current shoe and bring it back in 2 years. I said no. He said, "Oh... so this credit is conditional. Ok. Well, I got a few packs of socks that don't fit. Can I bring those back?" The socks were almost two years old.

I closed with two of my employees I don't see often, so that was fun. I work with good people.

My friend hates that I make my own shampoo, and that the shampoo that I make doesn't work and that my hair is disgusting. Oh, she also does my hair. So she text messaged me and said she had a present for me. I went by her house to get it, and I knew it was shampoo. It wasn't just shampoo... it was shampoo from Lush. It is amazing. It's a bar. You just use it on your scalp, and in two days when my hair is oily but I don't want to wash it again, she also got me some dry shampoo to sprinkle in my hair and soak up the oils. I'm already hooked.

I skipped my dreadlock appointment. I had a weird feeling. So I just canceled it. I'm not going to get more dreads... right now... so. I just cleaned my room instead of driving into the city to get my hair looked at.

Tyler is home from class. Bye.

Day off

I skipped yoga this morning. I also left work early yesterday, due to severe cramping and dry heaving. I hardly slept last night. 

I woke up early to Tyler taking a picture of me, the bright iPhone flash, and then hearing him say, "You're an ugly sleeper." He's funny. Probably one of the oddest people I know. 

I went to QT, got a coffee and doughnut, went to my Hosea bible study, and then to lunch with Allison at Llywelyn's. I love the book of Hosea. Great discussion was had and I'm looking forward to getting to know the "older" women in my church - the ones with kids who have been married for fifteen years rather than one or three. I like wise ladies. I want to be one. So I chose to go to this study rather than the other one full of my friends. Not because my friends aren't wise, but I want to branch out more.  

Lunch with Allison was great. I love her to pieces. We got coffee afterwards at Picasso's. The barista made me a "surprise" - cinnamon honey latte. It was perfect. I'll get it with soy milk next time because real milk is poison. 

I cleaned my room. I was sitting on the floor hanging stuff up and Charlotte kept trying to sit in my lap. It was terribly adorable. She loves me so much. Then she would sneak a hanger and I'd hear chewing in the next room. She loves plastic hangers almost as much as she loves leather. 

I went to a cute little grocer with antiques, craft beer, and home grown produce. It's just a couple blocks away and it's adorable. I got some produce for our Gospel Community kick off dinner. I'm excited about this semester. Now here I sit, listening to Imagine Dragons. The windows are open. I'm wearing a headband. I feel kind of nauseous, but it's been a great day.

I look forward to not working retail and just teaching yoga. I think about that a lot. I can't help it. I'm tired and much too emotional to be a boss. I care too much about my staff. I want them to be happy. When they're not, I think it's my fault. Some day.

I think I'll go on a walk. 

Yoga training weekend

Good golly. It's good to be home. We practiced for 2.5 hours this morning. That's the longest I've ever practiced in one sitting. But we didn't sit, unless we were twisting.

I'm tired. I just ate three chicken tacos. My body is so sore, but it feels good. I learned a lot. Only three more weekends and I'll be a teacher. Middle of November. I'm excited.

I made the switch back to washing my hair with baking soda. We'll see how this goes.

I am so looking forward to Tuesday. Starting my morning with Rise and Shine yoga, work conference call, women's bible study one Hosea, lunch with Allison, going to get my dreads worked on, and then Fall community group starts! It'll be a busy day, but I look forward to it.

I needed this weekend away from work. Bout to crack some freaking skulls.

With love, Shannon.

It's Wednesday. Tyler is in class right now. I just watched The Voice. TV season is so interesting. I don't care about any of this stuff, but it's addicting. Waiting for Tyler to get home to watch Parenthood :)

I went to yoga after work and my teacher asked if I was excited for training this weekend. I can be awkward when I'm asked questions like, "How are you doing?" and I want to say, "Well, not very good... but please don't make me go into it." rather than, "Fine! How are you?!" So I stared at her for seven seconds............................ and she said, "One day at a time?" and I replied, "yes."

I'm dreading training once again. And of course training is scheduled right in line with my freaking period. But, 4 more weekends and I'm done. I can teach. In no way will my life be more perfect. In my head when I think about the "perfect life," having a perfectly healthy body with no aches and pains is in there. I can't do that though, but Jesus did it. And it'll be that way. So for now... I'll just work in that direction with a peace, knowing it'll be that way someday... While asking why my ribs pop in and out of place.

This weather makes me so contemplative. Makes me want to get pregnant and quit my job. But, then I freak out and think that it's just the weather, and maybe if I do that I'll regret it or like I did it too soon. I feel easily hopeless. So what if I make the wrong choice and then feel stuck... silly, but I over analyze everything in a really stupid way. I wish I could record my spoken fears and let you listen to Tyler's responses to me. He's smart.

Also, my friend Lauren (who is smart) told me that Obama removes simple choices from his... choices... so that he doesn't have to waste brain power. He got rid of all of his suits besides gray and navy, and he never decides what he wants to eat....?! Well, that is certainly a presidential luxury, but I could really weed out some of my clothing.

Anyway. I turned off the TV and am listening to Arcade Fire. Charlotte is asleep on the floor. I didn't do my homework for training this weekend, but I feel just as I did in high school and college... I don't care at all. I take what I want from the training. I still mix up Buddhism and Hinduism. My learning style is based on interaction. If you tell me what Buddhism and Hinduism are, I confuse them. If I meet a Buddhist and a Hindu, I will know which is which. But that shouldn't stop me from teaching a yoga class. Praying this weekend doesn't make me cynical, but just more prayerful for everyone there.

It was a great Labor Day weekend. I was off Sunday and Monday. We played sand volleyball, stayed up late, hung out with people with kids twice (!), ate BBQ, slept in until 9:30 am on Monday (I tried to put the 9:30 in caps, because it's a big deal). We grocery shopped and made a breakfast pizza while drinking coffee stout (breakfast beer). We went to church in our new building, and to lunch with our dear Colorado friends, Jesse and Bri.

We watched a movie called Friends with Kids. It's the dumbest movie in the whole world. Do not rent it. The ending is an attempt at poetry and love and beauty, and it fails so horribly that I wish I could erase it from my brain. It's terrible. Do not rent it. 

I sing in the band at Church with my friend's husband. He's awesome - I prefer to sing with him when I am in the band. He asked me to sing out somewhere with him sometime, like at a bar. I'm pretty excited. He asked me to think of some songs that we could do together and I nearly interrupted him to say "Civil Wars." I'm excited. I hope this comes to fruition. 

I made an appointment to have my dreadlocks fixed. I saw this guy the other day who had the most gorgeous dreads. They were so pretty, and they were neat - not messy. He gave me this girl's website and I made an appointment with her. We'll see where this goes.
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That was earlier this week. Today is Friday. My mom, dad, and Alyson will be here in 2 hours. We're going to eat at the new BBQ place on Main Street - it's in an old building, like 100 years old or something. It's a cool place. And their Old Fashioned is $12, so beware.

I am excited to have the weekend off. I've had some tough conversations this week, and I think I just need a break.

Sorry my yoga posts are so freaking boring.

That's all. I'm excited for my weekend. Oh, also Lacy and Dustin are staying with us this weekend. Gosh, a weekend full of people I love and miss. I also wish my other two sisters could be here... and my weird brother.