Tuesday, March 27, 2012

He is making all things new.

Manda, thanks for your sympathy.

Actually, something hit me this morning. I'm not trying to go all Polly Anna on you, but there are much worse things than bunions and much worse things than being under-appreciated as a boss. There is always something that could be better, but it could also be worse. While I can't ignore the brokenness of the world, I know that God shows himself in so many ways... but I keep letting the broken stuff cover up the whole stuff.

So, I couldn't help but wake up this morning and just be so thankful to sleep in, go to yoga, spend time with my friend Allison, drink coffee, have a nice poop from the coffee, and be in the sunshine.

This morning my old Pastor Ricky Jones posted this on his facebook: Jesus does not love the ideal me, who lives in my expectations. He loves the real me, the one I am daily disappointed by. #grace

I thought, "Thank you. I needed that." I always think to myself, "When I balance my life and I find peace everywhere, and I can do the splits and I only eat raw food and I'm not addicted to coffee and Tyler and I are absolutely disgustingly in love and my house is clean and adorable, and I talk to God constantly, then things will be right."But that's not the me that Jesus wants. He wants the me that knows I can't find that peace without Him. 

And then I realized that I can ask Him to make my bunions not hurt, and maybe in asking Him that they may not go away and they may get worse and my eyes will be opened to my pettiness and the Goodness of God. Because He's not just good when He does what I think I need. He's good always. 

And also, I have it so good. It's crazy the way I make things so big and terrible in my head. I have thought within the last few days how if things were a little harder for me at least I would be forced to have faith that God knows what He's doing. I started reading a book called "Girl Soldier." I'm not too far in, but I have a feeling it's going to rip my heart out. I remember once a former Pastor at Refuge preached about storing up things in heaven, rather than hoarding on earth (I'm a hoarder) and I cried like convulsing sobs the entire service. I need my bubble to burst. So what my body is falling apart, and being a leader at work is scary and forces me to be vulnerable. God is good and I have so much to be thankful for. 

So here's the new thankful Shannon, at least for today... until something goes wrong and I think my life is going to shit... and then I'll need someone to remind me to look at this huge world, full of good and bad, and be overcome with gratefulness that I have a Pursuer that is making all things new. Thank you, God.

Yowza. Gonna go read that book and soak up some sunshine...

The Food Blog that I didn't delete... new post.

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